Saturday, April 30, 2011

Day 275: Beautiful Day!

Ha! I had to laugh when I re-read yesterday's post just now. The part about today being an off day. Whoops. Forgot that was my plan.

It's a beautiful sunny day, and my friend T was keen to get out on her bike too, so we met and went for the first outdoor bike ride of the season. And the first bike ride ever on my new bike, with clip-in pedals, and crazy gears, and skinny tires. It was so fun. The time whisked by. I couldn't believe when I got home -- just in time, as it turned out -- an hour and a half later. My daughter was ready to run out the door to soccer. We did not ride fast, for the most part, and stayed safe, crossing the streets carefully, going on sidewalks occasionally where there was no bike lane, or it felt iffy. We went 17km. Not a huge distance, but it felt so easy and light. Riding that bike is very different from riding my mountain bike, especially when one considers that my mountain bike is usually hauling a stroller plus two kids. Now that's a work-out. This is more like flight. Or fun.

I'm still nervous about going FAST. It scares me. But I could feel myself becoming more comfortable on the bike, even over the course of this short ride. I hope cycling becomes another element to keeping myself fit and fast, and able to keep running ... forever.

What else? Well, now I'm going to rest. Tomorrow is the 10k run, and I've picked up my race pack, and I'm set to go. I also got some different laces for my shoes, for the transitions in the duathlon/tri; and I got a tri-shirt that I can swim in, as well as bike and run in. I think I'm set for equipment now. This has not been an inexpensive enterprise, that's for sure, even with borrowing a wetsuit.

Oh, I was going to add that I did fall over once on my first bike ride today. I couldn't get one foot out of the clip, and lost my balance, and went down in a heap, attached to my bike. I hopped right back up again. Embarrassing, but painless, since I was at a stand-still and in grass. But still, embarrassing. Hopefully I've gotten the falling out of my system ...

Friday, April 29, 2011

Day 274: Aches

I have a new bicycle.

I agonized, and met my husband for lunch, and we made a pro and con list, and decided to buy new. Finding used would be possible, but could have cost a lot in terms of time. So we paid for time, essentially. I will tell more about the bike once I've had a chance to get out on it and really ride. So far, the weather has been ugly: rainy, windy, stormy.

I've had a normal training week, but will be taking tomorrow as my off day. I've had some calf and hamstring pain (always on the left leg; it must be my weak one), and I wanted to rest my leg from the running in advance of Sunday's 10k. But I still went to yoga yesterday, and got up to swim this morning. The swimming is getting exhilarating. It takes much less time to get into a rhythm than it used to, and by the end, today, I felt part-fish, at one with the water. You know when you're watching real swimmers swim, and they look like they hardly need to breathe? That's what I felt like. Not that I hardly needed to breathe, but that the breath came in and out so naturally, despite the membrane of water; I wasn't thinking about it, not at all. That freed me to think a bit more about my kick, which I sense is my weakest propeller right now. I am working to keep a very even and balanced kick going. And I've discovered this tuck, or pelvic tilt (it requires strong abs), that gives me a more aerodynamic feeling in the water, and lowers my head a degree too. Anyway, it was just really a happy place for me this morning: the water. Yes, the water.

I'll even forgive it for being chlorinated and giving me 1980s rocker hair. Yeesh. I'm going for a cut tonight (not short, however, just to trim the frazzled ends). I've noticed that a lot of regular swimmers keep their hair short. This is probably because the chlorine has fried it. (And, yes, I do wear a cap, but it feels too porous. I might need to get a silicone cap instead). Oddly, when I asked myself whether I would give up swimming to keep my hair nice, I realized the answer was no way! Who cares about the hair? Well, once upon a time, I really cared, I really did. Maybe this is one of the pleasures of aging.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Day 272: Cold Feet

I'm really agonizing over this bike decision. It seems so self-indulgent and wasteful to buy a brand new bike that I will use only for pleasure. It's not a very practical purchase, since it's quite expensive, and I can't imagine using it to ride around town for errands and leave locked up somewhere. I've had two expensive bike strollers stolen (one of which was locked up), and I don't relish the thought of investing in another expensive bike-related item that could just get stolen. Thoughts?

On the other hand, I do plan to ride this bike for training purposes, not just for racing. And I don't have a bike that I can currently use right now. My mountain bike is old, and isn't actually mine (ie. the fit is not great). Even with new tires, which we've gotten put on, it's a clunker. I use it only to pull the stroller around town. It will basically be hooked to the stroller all summer (if I were handier, I could probably get it unhooked and hooked up more easily, and then I would use it for short trips on my own). 

I'm looking into used options. Without luck so far.

But I do need a bike, and I do need to get riding on a bike outside, and soon. Today it is going to rain and rain and rain, so I don't need that bike today. But what about tomorrow?

I also need: shoes, shorts, and a repair kit.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Day 271: New Writing Gig

Okay, folks, here's some news: I will be blogging twice weekly at Chatelaine.com about this triathlon project. Read my first post!

In other news, I just did a spin class followed by a short run. I did not run all the way home. My calf was bothering me and I didn't want to pull something or injure myself, so when my spin friends passed by, I grabbed a lift. But I made it almost 3k and at a pretty good clip.

Now for a shower.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Day 270: Post-Holiday

I ate a lot of paska this weekend. Paska is a white-flour, doughy, sweet Easter bread covered in icing and sprinkles (Russian Mennonite).

I also ran 10+k on Saturday morning. That was not a long slow run at all! But I woke up late, and felt rushed, and wanted to be done in an hour and not to carry along anything extra--no liquid, no food. It was a beautiful morning for a run. I actually got too hot and had to take off my jacket. I went fast rather than slow, and was home in under an hour. My goal for the 10k on Sunday is 55 minutes, or less. I'm hoping less, but after my run this morning, I know that might be over-reaching. Fifty minutes would be my absolute ideal goal, and I'm not sure my body is there yet. Will it ever get there? What does it take? ie. what does it take to run a half or a full marathon at a 5-minute race pace? I'm so not there yet. Sigh. I guess that's another level of fitness; I just don't know how to get there.

I also went a yoga class on Friday, and then took yesterday off. To eat the paska.

This morning, I was in the pool as usual and swam for 50 minutes. I did not go fast, but it was pleasant and smooth and mind-lulling. Then I went directly for a run at the track upstairs and pounded my way through 5k at a 5-minute pace. I wished I could go faster, but that was my edge, and even that was a struggle. My goal is to get faster, and to get faster I have to run faster. Duh. Sounds easy. I'm not sure how to build endurance at a higher speed, but I do have to remind myself that training runs are not the same as race pace runs. I can't "leave it all at the track" when I have to go home and look after four kids all day. (Kids have a holiday today; husband does not).

I came home and got a nap in before my husband left for work.

I did not buy a bike this weekend, but I did try a few out, and I think I know my bike. I just have to go and get it. Maybe today. If not, then tomorrow. But soon.

Tomorrow is my last spin class, so I need to be riding real wheels outside. On the road. Fast. Yikes. My helmet is many years old. I wonder whether I should buy a new one. This one has never been in an accident, but ... opinions?

I may run home after spin class tomorrow, to test out running after biking. It's about 5.5k, and most of it is downhill. Yes. I will plan for that.

:::

Last week: three runs, one spin, two swims, three yoga classes. (Runs were 6k, 7.5k, and 10k).

This week: four runs (including 10k race), one spin, one bike ride, two swims, three yoga classes. (No long slow runs planned, due to the race on Sunday).

Friday, April 22, 2011

Day 267: Holiday

It's a holiday and my husband is home. We even slept in this morning. Of course, my alarm went off at the usual time (5:14am) because I'd forgotten to turn it off, but I had no trouble crawling back into bed and falling asleep again.

It's been a long week, despite being a short week. I've strugged mentally (and physically) to keep up with my routine. But I've stuck with it. The swim yesterday was dreamlike. The kundalini class last night, our last of this session, and my last until my children are done with their soccer season, was not rippling with energy. But I was content with my level of commitment. I was careful to modify whenever it felt like my shoulder muscle was in pain--ie. not good pain, but bad pain. It's important to know the difference. And I ended the class feeling satisfied, a little bit high, and smiling.

Today, I would like to get to a yoga class to stretch, but have to hurry. And also have to rely on the goodwill of my husband who has already spent the morning with the kids to give me extra writing time (today is usually a writing day, so I was upset by the prospect of missing it; holidays so often fall on Mondays and Fridays, which are my two regular and full writing days; and I resent it, and get stressed about missing that time to work. You have to understand that "work", ie. writing, for me is not like work. It's like breathing.)

Husband's looking a little frazzled. Kind of how I look after a day alone with the kids.

::::

I've just done something spontaneous. I've signed up for a duathlon. It's a 4k run, 30k bike ride, 4k run, and it's happening next month, almost in my own neighbourhood. It will motivate me to a) get a road-worthy bicycle, and b) get out on the road and practice. And it will give me a chance to test my endurance and fitness in advance of the triathlon, while leaving out the scariest portion of the race (to me): the swim. In fact, it will be a longer race than the triathlon. But I am terrified, actually. The road riding part is scary. I don't want to crash.

Here's hoping I can find a bike tomorrow. That's my goal for this weekend.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Day 266: Epic Nap

Tired. Tired. Tired. I hope it's not burn-out. I think I'm fighting a virus, and have been all week. This morning, I got up and went swimming, swam for a happy hour, showered, came home, and went back to bed. No one in the house was awake yet. I told my husband to put a movie on for the little ones if I wasn't awake by the time the big ones left for school (and I gave him a few other essential instructions, the details of the day ahead that I keep in my brain on behalf of the whole family). And then I collapsed into a deep and epic nap. I slept for nearly two hours. I had a sense of what was going on around me, but nothing disturbed my sleep.

I'm awake now, and preparing for the day ahead, which is busy. I'm wondering: is this schedule in the least bit practical? I could probably complete the triathlon tomorrow with the training I've done. So what more do I need to do? Extra conditioning? I'd like to aim for a marathon, too, and there is the big trail race in the fall, but in the meantime, in the absence of an impossible goal, I'm not sure what to do with myself. Slow down a bit? Do I just need a few days of rest and I'll see clearly again?

Hm, did I just type: "in the absence of an impossible goal, I'm not sure what to do with myself"???? I wonder why I aim for the impossible. Maybe I need the challenge of a goal beyond my current capacity to complete. Or maybe I'm too tired for reflection and not thinking clearly.

Off to continue my day ...

ps Had a lovely early morning run yesterday, the usual 7.5k, and though my calf felt stiff at the beginning, it seemed to have loosened up as I went. But my shoulder is absolutely getting worse. Chiro appointment at noon today.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Day 264: Post-Half Hangover

Not sure whether it should have taken a week and a bit to set in, but I'm feeling a touch of post-race hangover. Last week, I was bubbling with energy, and this week, I feel just plain old tired. I'm able to keep doing everything, and haven't slowed down (yet), but my energy levels are not as happy and high.

This morning, I found it difficult to get myself in the right head space for spin class. I just didn't want to try that hard. But of course, the further along I got into the class, the more I forgot about everything else and just went with it. That's one of the cool things about exercising hard--it takes you to a different place, a stripped down place. By the end, I actually felt like I could have kept going. Always imagine yourself doing one more minute, one more step, one more movement (that's what my friend K, kundalini instructor extraordinaire, tells us). Just imagine one more. Not ten, not a hundred, definitely not a million. One is possible. It's doable.

So I imagined, this morning, having to do one more set. And I imagined, yesterday, having to do one more kilometre. One day at a time. As they say.

Momentarily, I'm heading to yoga class to stretch in the heat. I am also feeling achy and need to be stretching more regularly. Developing another shoulder ache and looking forward to the chiro appointment on Thursday.
::::

In other news, I will soon have some news to announce, but I'm keeping it under my hat just for now. Next week!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Day 263: Monday

This morning I reflected on the importance of simply showing up. I did not much feel like getting out of bed at 5:15. I did not feel peppy despite two days off (the party with dancing and drinks on Saturday night, the second of two late nights last week, did not help). I did not feel excited or inspired, and I certainly did not relish the thought of running post-swim. But I went through the motions. I showed up.

And it was a lovely swim. The pool was quiet, and I had the lane to myself for the entire 50 minutes. My muscles felt genuinely rested, and I discovered that my arm strength had improved enough to make my strokes more powerful and efficient. My strokes got sloppier toward the end of the swim, but overall, I enjoyed the relative speed and sense of comfort. And the spit-goggles worked again. My mind was free to wander.

After fifty minutes without any rest between lengths, I got out and took a freezing cold shower. Agh! The rec centre seems to be suffering from plumbing problems. And then I dressed in my running clothes, strapped on my son's watch, and headed upstairs to the ice-cold track. I tried to run faster than 5 minutes/km, but that's about what I ended up doing. The chicken arm man was mercifully absent until my last kilometre, and I was fast enough to avoid seeing him more than the one time. After all that mental whining and resistance, I cheered up at the track and decided to add a kilometre to my planned run: 6k. It was pleasant. Now, whenever I need a mental boost during a run, I just think, hey, you did a half-marathon, you can do this, no problem.

That sense of accomplishment is invaluable. As I ran around the track, I thought about how hard it is to do anything for the first time: you just don't know whether you'll be able to complete your chosen task. It takes a massive leap of courage and imagination. That's still how I'm feeling about the triathlon. And then what a weight lifts when the task has been accomplished: ah, yes, I can do that. I thought that I could, and I tried it, and I did it. The next one will be easier if only because you know what to expect. It's like having children. By the fourth, you're so much more relaxed about everything; yes, surprises can and do crop up, no matter how much experience you have, but experience is a gift. It gives confidence. And it expands your understanding of your own capacity to achieve and to do.

As I munched on a protein bar in the parking lot (I know, gross, but man, I 'd been looking forward to that bar for most of the run), I thought: hey, what a great way to start the day, and the week. And all I had to do was show up.

::::

Last week: two swims, one spin, two runs, three yoga classes.

This week's plan: two swims, one spin, three runs, three or four yoga classes.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Day 260: Experiment

I was going to take today off.

Due to some scheduling changes, I rose early Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week, and had therefore planned to skip any exercise today due to heading out to a concert last night (my siblings play in a band that must be seen and must be danced to, and they had a show in a city nearby). But when I woke up this morning, I realized that tomorrow my husband is working, and I'll be hard-pressed to get out for a long run, or even to a yoga class, and that Sunday is already packed with family events. Which left today; specifically, this morning.

So when I got out of bed, I pulled on my running clothes. All I have to do is put on the clothes, and it's like a superhero getting changed in a phone booth: I must fulfill this morning's destiny, as dictated by my wardrobe. (This is why I've come around to appreciating work-out gear and clothing. a) It's super-comfortable. b) It makes me feel like an athlete.). I had to get the kids off to school, a juggling act that requires me, on mornings when my husband isn't home, to be in two places at once (actually, it requires me to drive, which kind of sucks). So I asked a friend to walk my youngest daughter to the bus stop, and I walked my youngest son to his nursery school, realizing about a quarter of the way there that we were both completely underdressed (yah, it's sunny, but that wind cuts like a knife), and that he'd changed his mind about riding his balance bicycle. Suffice it to say: not a fun walk. But as soon as we'd arrived, and he got settled, I was off.

I made up my route as I went along, winding down familiar trails and streets. It usually takes my legs about a kilometre--and sometimes more--to settle in and get comfortable. Today, my legs never felt settled in. My lungs were calm and relaxed, but my muscles were weary. I had some pain in my lower left calf. I felt sluggish. But I also felt confident that I could tough it out and run for awhile. When I measured my route afterward (using the google maps distance measurement app), I'd gone 7k. That might be it for my running this week. My body seemed to be saying: slow down, take a day off, rest.

Somehow, I'd forgotten that yesterday was a crazy busy day. I swam for an hour in the morning. I went to a 90-minute kundalini class in the evening (lots of strength work and lunges), and then I went out and danced my butt off. I fell into bed about four or hours later than usual. And I was up by 7. Duh. No wonder my muscles were tired.

The experiment referred to in the blog title is about changing my exercise time. I wondered how it would change the rhythm of my morning to exercise immediately upon sending the kids to school, then shower, and get on with my day. No nap needed because I wouldn't be getting up early. My conclusion is that it's okay in a pinch, but not ideal. I was home and showered by 10am. But it took me longer to get myself organized for the day. I've made the nap a routine part of my morning, and it's not disruptive, it's just part of the flow of the day. Rise early, exercise, shower, home in time to make breakfast and see kids off to school and often to get supper into the crockpot, too. Then a power nap, usually about 40 minutes, then up for more food and coffee which I take up to my office and enjoy there. I'm usually sitting at my desk by 10, already feeling a sense of accomplishment. So I'm going to stick with it. But it's good to know that on mornings when I don't have the option to exercise early, a quick run can be tucked in, too, without sacrificing much time.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Day 259: You gotta swim

No. Actually, I gotta swim. I gotta swim and swim and swim.

This morning, I took my friend T's advice and tried spitting into my goggles before affixing them to my face. Gross. I know. My friend N, who swims with me, said, "Did you just spit into your goggles?" I was trying to do it in a subtle way (plus she doesn't wear her glasses when she swims, so I thought she might not notice). "Uh, yes." But it worked. Or maybe I just fit them on better this time. No leaking, no fogging.

Some freaking out, though. It's not the swimming in the pool that freaks me out. It's the swimming in the lake. With the other people. Who are racing. And therefore in a hurry and probably kicking and splashing aggressively as they strive to complete the distance. And therefore maybe kicking me. And my goggles?! And my wetsuit. I've borrowed a wetsuit. My massage therapist is a triathlete and personal trainer (another Ironman Woman!), and she loaned me her wetsuit. Now I just have to figure out how to get in and out of the dang thing, and, um, swim in it. Apparently, it makes one more buoyant, but slightly restricts the arm movement. In order to practice swimming in it, I will have to get over my embarrassment hump. I've never seen anyone at the pool in a wetsuit. Will I look like a fool? A tool? Will I sink like a stone? The answers to the first two questions really don't matter, but that last question needs to be answered definitively before the triathlon takes place.

Some other tips from my massage therapist:
1. Swim wide. Avoid the crowd. Don't panic. (She didn't say what to do if I'm already panicking and I'm on dry land and the triathlon is still two months away).
2. Pull the cord on the wetsuit while running toward the bike transition area.
3. Don't eat in the transition area. It's a gong-show. Get your bike, get going, get your heart rate down, then drink and eat.
4. Practice running immediately after a bike ride. The blood goes to your legs during the bike ride, and therefore out of your feet. It's a weird sensation.
5. Wear bike shoes that clip in for anything more than 10k, or your feet will go numb.
6. Ask around at the local bike shops for used/cheap new tri-bikes.
7. Don't try anything new during the race.

Today's swim was lovely. The length is 25m on Thursday mornings, and there are a bunch of teens training in one section of the pool. I like the length. I was in a good rhythm. It was a good swim. (My nap afterward was most unsatisfactory, but hey. You can't have it all).

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Day 258: The Week After

It's been great.

I went to a lovely yang/ying yoga class on Sunday. Lots of long stretches which felt wonderful. My quads were definitely a bit sore, but only slightly more than usual. I have gotten used to doing a long run on Saturdays, but that was the furthest I've ever run, and at a faster pace than usual. I went swimming as usual on Monday, but chose not to run afterward. Instead, I stayed in the pool an extra ten minutes, and swam for about seventy minutes. It had been a week since my last swim, and I felt like I needed to get reacquainted. My goggles refused to cooperate--something that hasn't happened in many weeks--and they kept leaking and were foggy by the end. And my body felt more fatigued than usual. To be expected. But water is soothing, even chlorinated pool water, and my legs enjoyed the sensation of being submerged in that gentle element. One change that's happened gradually, but is significant: I no longer fear drowning or think of drowning while in the water. (I realize drowning can happen to even the most experienced swimmer, if the conditions strike; that's not what I'm talking about). I used to spend the first half hour of every swimming session fighting past words like "watery grave" or just fighting past a sensation of fear, almost panic, that came when my head went under the water. Pleasant, huh. That sensation doesn't rise in me anymore. I experience the water, and being underwater, as a soothing, calming, sometimes exciting place to be. Water fills my ears and closes me off from the outside world. It's a good place to go deep inside.

I swam slowly, but steadily. I decided to think of the swim as an endurance building swim, not a speed-building swim--much like a long slow run. And then I showered and came directly home, skipping my speed session at the track. I kind of missed it, but on the other hand, I didn't want to push it, and my legs were definitely still sore.

Spin class was weirdly easy yesterday. I don't know whether there's some post-race effect, a couple of days on, like a boost of energy and endurance, but I was full of energy yesterday. I napped as soon as I got home, then went on with a regular kid-day at home, but discovered I had plenty of energy to hit a yoga class in the late afternoon. The class was very very hot and people were complaining in the changeroom afterward, but the heat hadn't hit me at all. I'd felt strong and balanced the whole class. And my legs weren't achy anymore.

This morning's run was similar. Feeling strong. Feeling like I'd just hit my stride by about 7k, and could run and run and run, faster and faster. I love running. Man.

Here's what I've discovered about running: it's kind of like dessert, for me. All of the other training I've been doing, toward the triathlon, has made it possible to enjoy a luxurious and long dessert. I used to get intense knee pain if I ran more than a few kilometres a couple of times a week. The knee pain is gone, and I'm running further and more often than ever before. But in between, I'm building up all the other muscles that support the running muscles, and I'm building endurance. So, I think my pathway to being a runner is through a variety of exercise options: yoga, swimming, biking. I do these other things, and then every so often I get to run and run and run.

I outed myself, just a wee bit yesterday, as an aspiring triathlete. I asked the spin instructor if he could help me find a used triathlon bike. Here's hoping. I'd love to ride a bike that isn't a 16-year-old hand-me-down mountain bike (my current wheels).

::::

The race brought up some unexpected and deep emotions. It was inspiring. It was healing. It gave me a new perspective on myself. It brought up thoughts like: if I can imagine doing it, I can set myself on a path to be able to do it. This is going to sound like typical motivational gobbledeygook, but it made me ask: what are the barriers I've erected in my own mind that are preventing me from doing the things that I want to do--that are preventing me from even imagining and glimpsing the things that I want to do? It's too easy to say, oh, that would be hard, that would be impossible, I don't have the time.Yes, it's been hard to train myself into a different and more athletically capable body. But it hasn't been that hard. It certainly hasn't been impossible. The time is now.

My larger thoughts are still amorphous and vague. But my most concrete thought is this: I already have the skills to do great/good/helpful things. I don't need to retrain and gain a new skill set. I'm a writer. I'm a good writer. Being a writer is similar in a lot of ways to being a runner. It's an individual journey. But even the individual, within the larger collective of a race, or a running group, or a yoga class, has the opportunity to affect the larger community--either negatively, neutrally, or positively. Think of the good energy you can receive when you practice with a committed group of yogis. It is so much bigger and more inspiring than practicing on your own--but your own practice is important too, and you need to build it and strengthen it in order to give back to the others around you.

So. I'm thinking of my writing in those terms. I'm thinking: where can my writing be of use? Where can I find homes for it? How do I want to change the world? Small changes, big changes, radical changes, subtle changes? And how can I use what I've already got to push for those changes?

Hm, think I'll cross-post these musings my main blog.

:::

Meantime, here's what happened last week: one swim, one spin, two yoga classes, three runs (including the half).
This week's plan: two swims, one spin, four yoga classes, two runs (including a long run this weekend. Woot!).

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Day 254: Half-Marathon

Yes!

I did it. You know, I'm not sure if there's a mental checklist I've been working from, some set of goals that has propelled me onward, but a year ago it never occurred to me that it would be possible to complete a half-marathon. Even a 10k race sounded ridiculously daunting. How could anyone run that far? The answer, I've learned, is patience and training. The training will get you there, and it won't seem all that far anymore.

I'd decided just before the race not to carry my own liquids, but grab the water on the way instead. That was a great way to go. I felt freed from the mental effort of reminding myself to drink, and made myself take a couple of sips at every water station. I sucked on a gummie, but only one, and it never really dissolved (could have used a little more sugar, I think; but it was fine, and I felt well-fuelled by my early breakfast).

Today was such a beautiful day. Sunshine, breeze, country roads, friendly volunteers, family to see me off at the start and cheer me at the finish. In between, the time passed so gently, so easily. I thought about very little. I thought about running. I kept my mind on my pace. At the beginning, it was difficult to force myself to stick to six minutes a kilometre, but I knew it was part of my plan, and that it would help later on. (Oh, and I found the watch yesterday at 4pm, just after it beeped on the hour). I continued to remind myself that I wanted to feel just as good at 17k as I was feeling at 7k. My plan was to go no more than 6 minutes/km for the first 10k, and then I would let myself speed up as long as it felt comfortable, with some willingness to head toward pain during the last 5k.

And that's what I did. I finished the first 10k in 55 minutes, which thrilled me completely. I was still feeling easy and light. But I realized upon turning around (it was an out and back race) that the wind had been on my side all the way, and that on the homeward journey it would be against me. Around 18k I began to feel fatigued. Not dreadfully fatigued, but I was noticing my breathing on the hills (and there were hills). But I also noticed how quickly I recovered going downhill again, so I knew that the pace was good, and that I could continue until the finish line if I was willing to put some guts into it. That was also the point when I realized that finishing in under two hours was within me, which made the mental work that much tougher. Man, I wanted to cross the line in under two hours (a goal that I had not set for myself until that moment of realization).

During the last 2k, I began to pass people (we were very spread out at that point), which gave me a mental boost. The last 1500m was uphill, and I felt sluggish, not filled with a burst of energy, but the sight of the finish line gave me that, and I crossed feeling and looking strong, utterly thrilled at my time, which was under two hours: 1:55. Far better than I'd hoped. Though I did run a Michael Ignatieff campaign: starting out with low expectations, and hoping to surprise myself. But even in my happiest fantasies I did not imagine getting across the finish line that fast. (Good luck, Mr. Ignatieff. I hope your campaign exceeds expectations just as much).

So there it is. A wave to my family. Guzzling water. Eating sandwiches. Revelling in the sunshine. Driving back home again. With visions of a marathon dancing in my head. Maybe that's on my mental checklist, too. Who knew? Next up: more training, and a quick 10k. Now I know I can complete it in under an hour. Of course, knowing that, I now want to complete it even more quickly. We shall see. There will be an endpoint to my ability to improve upon my times. But I won't dwell on that today. I'm enjoying the high.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Day 253: The Day Before

Tomorrow at this time, I will be running. "Settle in, 'cause you can do it." That's one of the sentences that streams through my head while I'm running. It has a beat to it. The other one is: "Steady on, 'cause you can do it." I don't know why I refer to myself in the second person, but that's what happens. Talking to myself.

The kids are home with me today. Yesterday, I got a chiropractic adjustment to help with a terrible neckache I'd developed this past week. I went to a yoga class on Wednesday and emerged with the clear understanding that I needed to take the next two days off: no running, no swimming, no yoga'ing, no nothing. Stretching fine. Sleeping excellent. I hope to be feeling good and restless by tomorrow morning, aching to go. I'm already feeling ever so slightly like that this morning, having missed my Friday swim. But my shoulder and neck need a rest, too.

But I still have to find a wristwatch for the race. I'd been using my eldest son's, but he took it somewhere and left it, and now we can only hear it beeping every hour on the hour--three quick beeps--but cannot for the life of us locate the darn thing. My husband had a watch, but it was out of batteries and he was unable to replace them. That watch is toast. I haven't had a watch since junior high. It's kind of a point of pride--I don't need a watch because I have an acutely accurate sense of time. But tomorrow, I need a watch. I know I will be distracted from my chosen pace, and it's really really important that I stick to it.

My goal for tomorrow is to complete the race in less than 2 hours and thirty minutes.

I still have to decide whether or not to drink a cup of coffee when I get up tomorrow morning. If it's early enough, I think I will. But I don't want to stop for bathroom breaks along the route. I also have a plan for the food I will eat, and what I will carry with me. I've decided to carry my own liquids, even though there will be four water stations along the way. I'd rather have it with me, and make my own decision about when to take a sip.

Okay, deep breath. Hopefully my next post will be all about how much fun it was. Hopefully.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Day 251: Achy

I pushed myself hard in yesterday's spin class, following the instructor's encouragement to "squeeze out every last drop." I was curious to see: how many drops are left? Can I really force my legs to continue around and around at this manic pace for another minute, another, twenty-seven seconds, another five? I could. But I wasn't taking into consideration that it was about 7:15 in the morning when I stepped off the bike, and the whole day yet awaited. I needed a few more drops at my disposal.

At home, I put on a long video and slept soundly for ... this is shameful to confess ... over an hour. The kids interrupted only to have me open bananas for them. But I was still tired, and famished. I ate and ate and ate, and decided not to attempt the noon yoga class I'd planned. Too worn out. The whole day I felt tired, though I managed to get done what needed doing: craft with kids, trip to bank and library, after school snacks, making supper, cleaning up from supper, laundry. I was sound asleep by 9:30.

This morning's early run was very pleasant. I slept well, and felt rested on rising. We went for our usual 7.5km. I didn't have my usual pep, exactly, but I also felt capable of going longer, though I was getting hungry and thirsty by the end. Maybe I'm becoming accustomed to feeding myself on my runs. Maybe it's actually helping.

That will be my last run until Saturday morning.

I had an anxiety dream last night about the triathlon. In the dream, everything was too easy, too short--the swim, the bike ride--and I felt like I'd overtrained for no good reason. But I wasn't doing well even though it was easy, because the race also involved stopping at each transition point to do a scavenger hunt for items. I couldn't find anything on the list, so I fell behind. I was lapped by two children in grade three, and one of their mothers made fun of me. All that training, and the seven year olds were beating me. I tried to laugh it off and not be bothered, but I was; but in the end, the children and I became allies as searched together for scavenger items and got lost in a dark and slightly sinister maze, and the dream became about me watching over them and helping them. I never finished the race.

I am achy. I have yet to make a yoga class this week, and would like to stretch it out. I am also seeing my chiro tomorrow to try to rectify this neck-ache which seems to be getting worse not better. But I am trying not to think too much about Saturday. I'll just show up and do it. Gah. Must keep expectations low. After all, as long as I finish the race, I'll have run my personal best time for the half-marathon.

If you'd like to sponsor me, here's the link: http://www.mardenmarathon.com/default.html

Monday, April 4, 2011

Day 249: Comparisons Bad

I recently read a very good book by a favourite author of mine: Run, by Ann Patchett. One of the characters is a natural-born runner, her talent beautifully described in a passage where she is running on a track (she is only eleven), so fluidly, so strongly, so effortlessly that everyone stops what they are doing to watch, in awe. I don't run like that, but I see that image as my ideal when I'm running at the freezing indoor track above the ice rink. I've always loved watching runners in races. There is a great deal of tactical and mental skill involved, especially as the distances grow longer--success becomes less about raw power, and more about mental toughness. Today, I ran faster than I've run before; not easily, though. It took effort. Today, I ran 5k in 23 minutes, which is about 4:40 a kilometre--much faster than I usually run (though I realize that is still not terribly fast compared to many). It occurred to me, while running, that those elite athletes must know to the second how hard they can push themselves, and what kind of pace they can endure over particular distances. But in a race, they have to run not only their own race, but the other athletes' races, too. If someone is pushing the pace faster than you'd planned to run, what's the strategy? Hang back and hope the pace grinds the leader down and you can steadily catch back up again? Or change your own pace to match?

What threw me, today, both in the pool and out, were other people. In the pool, I swim virtually every time with the same woman, and we are relatively well-matched. She is faster than me, but not too much faster, and I move aside at the ends when she needs to pass. It's quite peaceful and doesn't tax my mind. But about halfway through our swim today, another man joined our lane. He was slower than me, but more aggressive, and he threw up big waves. All of which I should probably appreciate, as it might give me a slightly more realistic idea of what it will be like to swim with a whole lot of other people in a triathlon situation. But it threw me off more than I would have liked. I felt myself becoming competitive, and paying less attention to my own pace, and more to his. The swim was less fun, too. The friendliness wasn't there. Comparative swimming is not much fun.

I went 50 minutes, then showered, and headed for the track.

At the track, I've gotten to recognize the regular Monday morning runners, and I was hoping that one in particular wouldn't be there--but he was. If this fellow is your friend or family member, or you, I apologize in advance for criticizing his technique, which is really none of my business, but he runs in a very eccentric manner, with his elbows high and out, like little wings, absolutely flailing back and forth, and he runs surprisingly quickly; and he blows his nose on the track, too. Sorry. I had to get that out of my system. Anyway, there he was, storming his way around the track, so I resolved that he wouldn't pass me more than once. (I tellya, he's surprisingly fast). I planned to run 5k at the usual track pace--5 minutes/km. But there was something about running with this guy on the track--it made me want to go faster, so he couldn't pass me. I knew I was pushing my pace, and I knew I was suffering, but I didn't care. I just wanted to beat this guy. (I didn't; but I almost kept up with him).

Again, it wasn't much fun--at least not during the run. (Afterward I felt pretty high, having run faster than I knew I could). Somehow I have to train myself to stay focused on my own pace, regardless of what's going on around me. On the one hand, I can see how competition and comparison can actually spur a person on to greater achievement; there's no way I would have pushed myself that hard under ordinary circumstances. On the other hand, I'd like to have a less comparative mental strategy, long-term and situationally, to get me through the work-outs and through the day. I am (confession) a very competitive person, and I tend to play that down, suppress it, or avoid situations where it might flare up (like board games--do not ask me to play board games!).

My question is: to thy own self be true? Or try to change thy own self? Refine thy true self is probably the answer.

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Last week's summing up: two swims, three runs, one spin, four yoga classes. Total kilometres run: 25.5. Total hours: 10 hours, 10 minutes. Give or take.

This week's plan: two swims, three runs (including the half-marathon on Saturday), one spin, three or four yoga classes.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Day 247: Adrenalin Junkie

I apologize in advance for subjecting you to the ravings of an adrenalin junkie, but today, that's exactly what I am. High on happy fleet vibes. The weekend no longer feels complete without a long run, though today's was a bit on the short side of long due to some slight tapering off in advance of the long long long run a week from today. I went 12k, and my feet felt like they had wings. In fact, I kicked the pace up quite a bit for the last half of the run, just to see what it would feel like, to test where the edge was, and it felt like flying. Due to fine spring weather, I changed my route and ran out toward the big sky, as one of my running friends calls it, out through the park and the campus, and included in the loop two big long hills, though the weird thing was that neither taxed me. I felt just as good at the top as at the bottom. Toward the end, the faster pace was beginning to eat away at my calm breath, but it's not the pace I envision taking into the half-marathon on Saturday. I'll go a good deal slower, and speed up the last 5k or so if I'm feeling good. However, that is how I'd like to run the 10k in May--as quickly as I comfortably can. Quick and light and easy.

When I was a child, pre-puberty, I loved to run. I ran pretty much anywhere and everywhere. Why walk, when you could run? I was fast and light on my feet, and it felt easy. I jogged regularly with my dad from the time I was about 7. As a teenager, I lost that fleet and light feeling, and now that I think of it, I also stopped running everywhere. My fitness inevitably dropped, and cross country meets were basically places where I would torture myself with high expectations backed up by limited preparation. Let's just say I was no track star. But I wasn't exactly trying that hard--except on race day.

I've been training and increasing my weekly and now daily exercise slowly over the past year and three months, and it's beginning to feel like I've arrived somewhere. My body is pared down; my endurance is steady. And who knows how much more progress there is to see or experience in this body, but I'm somewhere already, somewhere different, somewhere that takes me back to childhood and that ease of running. I start to run, and my face breaks into a grin. I trust my body to carry me. I trust my breath. I trust myself to speed up or slow down, to listen and respond to what my body can and can't do. It's pure joy out there.

Will I like running a race as much as I like just plain old running? If so, there may be more races in my future. If not, there will be as many more long weekend runs as my joints can carry me.

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I wrote awhile back about feeding myself properly during training, and I've discovered a fondness for protein bars (and, yes, they're sort of disgusting and totally against my principles). Which makes me think I should start making my own homemade versions. I've also discovered that I can and should be eating more, and more frequently, so I eat when I'm hungry, and drink a lot of water, and eat more again. Basically healthy choices: nuts, seeds, fruit, and carbs when nothing else will do. During longer runs, I carry a Gatorade-type drink and suck on these gummie bear things, which have a soothing effect, whether or not they actually give me much extra energy. I'm not having any anxiety over the hunger/feeding balance anymore.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Day 246: Time to Think

There is lots of time to think while swimming laps in the pool. And while running long distances. It is quiet and I am alone inside my head. I choose not to listen to music on my solitary runs, because there is enough outside noise and enough multitasking in the rest of my life.

But I often find myself thinking of, well, nothing. Of the activity itself. Of the breath. Or my thoughts gently drift.

I am trying to sort out how and where to focus my considerable energy. The triathlon project has given me direction, but it's also given me endurance and strength, and made me appreciate my own ability to pursue a goal requiring long-term commitment, some pain, and some sacrifice. I believe that I can achieve this goal, and my body is a changed place because of the work done, and continuing to be done. But my mind is changed, too.

I feel the pull of the long-term project. I just don't know where to spend my energies right now. I've completed the draft of my next book (fiction), which is with my editor. I am considering a variety of possibilities, but each one would require of me the kind of commitment I'm giving to the triathlon project; in other words, I could only do one of these things (in addition to the triathlon project, which I'm beginning to see as, potentially, a life-long lifestyle change. I may be getting up at 5:15 for the rest of my life and heading to the pool or the bike or the quiet streets, whether or not there is a triathlon to be raced at the end of it).

What's calling to me? I don't know yet.