Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Testing, testing

Well, January has not gone as anticipated. I'm certainly not running 40km a week as planned. I'm not running, period. On Friday I got an xray on my hips and yesterday saw the sports dr for results, which were good: no signs of arthritis and no visible stress fracture. Except then the dr told me that xrays only show approximately 10% of stress fractures anyway. But it was good news about the arthritis, plus some other malformation that can occur in the socket, and which I did not have.

So the next step is a bone scan. Which I had today. It involved being injected with radioactive dye (seriously?!), going home and waiting three hours, and then returning to be photographed. It also involved having the giant camera pressed nearly against me and I had a slightly claustrophobic reaction when it was an inch from my nose--similar to being inside a CT scan tube. They took a scan of my entire spine, and then extra scans of my hips and shins.

The sports doctor is on holiday until the middle of next week, but the good news is that my family doc will get results by tomorrow morning, so hopefully I will know more then. There may be an additional MRI before treatment begins. I guess they have to make a diagnosis before starting treatment. I did not ask what treatment for a stress fracture would be ... though he did say I wouldn't start physio right away if it is a stress fracture. But meantime I've been given the go-ahead to do exercise than doesn't cause me pain.

Spin seems fine. Swimming has been good. Yoga fine too. Walking causes some pain. Running is impossible. I can't even take two strides. I actually had a little moment while under the machine, and started to tear up as I thought about some really wonderful running moments in the past year, particularly in the marathon which is freshest in my mind. Just that sense of freedom and delight that I had while running that race. I miss that.

But I'm adjusting meantime to this new reality, and hoping and praying that it's temporary. If I do return to running, I think I will train a bit differently. I think I will attempt to work other muscle groups, maybe do some strength training specifically for runners, and definitely stretch more. I didn't stretch enough after spin today, due to racing from spin directly to the hospital, and I really need to add that into my every day routine, and make time for it.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Ah, the new year

I'm sitting here with a requisition form for an xray, and a referral to a sports medicine doctor. Sigh. I went to see my family doctor yesterday, and while it was heady to be assessed as an endurance runner, this hasn't been a happy week for the runner in me. The xray is to rule out a stress fracture in my hip, and the sports medicine doctor is to follow up, figure out where the pain is coming from, and get it treated and fixed. So I can run again.

Because I can't run. Well, it is strongly recommended that I not run for right now. I can barely stand to type those words. Wow. I could feel my stress level rising as I typed that sentence out. Not run? For how long? I don't know. It depends, of course. It depends on what's causing the pain and on how quickly I heal. The idea is that I should be running pain-free. Pain-free as in free from pain that tells me I should be stopping as opposed to pain that's ... well, different, I guess. I've gotten so used to running with some degree of pain or discomfort that I really am not sure I can tell the difference.

Except that I can. I did my long run on Saturday, ran 15.5km, and felt pain the entire time. By the end, the pain reminded me of how it feels to run a long distance; it does hurt to run a long way, although I wouldn't consider 15km a long way. What didn't seem right was that the pain was constant throughout. I hurt from the first step to the last and never loosened up in between.

Sitting seems to exacerbate the pain. Spinning didn't hurt at all. Swimming did, at least past a certain distance. Some yoga poses hurt, but I was able to go this morning and get through an hour without pain. But running is my rock. Running is my happy place. Running can be done anytime, anywhere. I could be running tonight during my daughter's soccer practice. I should be running tonight!

Definitely, I'm feeling frustrated. I'm relieved that this is happening now and not a year ago, when it might have derailed my burgeoning attempts to become someone who could complete triathlons and long-distance runs. Thankfully, I know I can. But I'm still frustrated. Wasn't this going to be a year devoted to running? You know, it could still be. I shouldn't get so down. A week, two weeks, even three or four weeks isn't going to get me too far off the training track. I could add an extra spin class, perhaps. I could get up early every morning and do yoga and find that inner strength again. Maybe that's exactly what my body/mind is lacking. This fitness journey isn't all about racing or times or getting faster or going further.

Why do I want to be fit? What am I afraid of as I face this time without running?

It was really hard to get up this morning; if my husband hadn't encouraged me to go, saying, "I know you'll feel better about yourself if you do," I would have turned off my alarm and gone back to sleep. I've noticed in myself all week a weakness of will, a mild depression, perhaps, when it comes to exercise. It's hard to get up early. But it shouldn't be any harder than it's been for the last year, should it? I'm a goal-oriented person. Maybe I need to reset my goals. Configure them to fit with my present situation. Accept that running can't be part of the equation--perhaps for a very short amount of time, who knows? Why not think positively? It's not forever. But I still need to accept that today I won't be running. Tomorrow I won't be running.

There are other outlets available. I did feel better--about myself--after going to yoga. I felt momentarily accepting, momentarily okay. I felt grateful that my body is still strong. I am still able to exercise in a variety of ways. I'm grateful for that.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Up, down

So I went ten days without stopping. But that might have been a mistake. My muscles were so sore andmy hips were creaking like a pair of rusty hinges. Yesterday, I would have gotten up to swim nevertheless, but Kevin had to leave for work very early. This morning nothing was stopping me. Except for me. And the desire to sleep.

So I did that instead.

There's a window for a run tonight during my daughter's soccer practice. It will mean going fairly late (7:30) and in the dark and snowy cold, but I might just take it. I'll go slowly. What's bugging me more than anything is how slowly I have to run. Everytime I push it, I pay for it. More pain. What also worries me is that I was in a good deal more pain following that long run--which really wasn't very long (15.5km). I'm not sure what this says about doing long runs. I'm due for my next tomorrow and had hoped to lengthen the distance by about 2km.

On the whole, I think this is a new year's effect. Setting improbable goals, then checking in with what's really going to work. Those ten days were a good start to the year and I'm glad I pushed and did them, but I think what they reminded me is that I do need breaks. And my body has its limits. I need to figure out how to train smart.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Week past, week ahead

Last week: three runs (total of 40+km); two swims (total of 5500km); one yoga class; on spin class. Sounds like not much, but adds up to something every day and no days off. Hm. Can I keep up the pace?

This week I started with a swim this morning, and went 2700m. I would have gone the full 3000, but ran out of time. My husband and daughter (and sometimes my son) swim after I do, but need to get there and back in time for breakfast and school. I was off my pace of last Thursday anyway, by about two minutes. It would have taken me 64 minutes to complete 3000m, which is going the wrong direction as far as I'm concerned. I did not feel tired enough by 2700m; that's not bragging. I suspect I was swimming lazily, and not using the techniques learned last summer, which use different muscles and more breathing power. In any case, I was going pretty slowly.

Yoga tonight. I let my husband go to yoga yesterday morning instead of going myself. We are struggling to find time, both of us, for the things we want to do, because we often have to do them when the other is home with the kids. We're going to take turns on Sunday morning yoga.

Otherwise, this week looks like a usual week, hopefully much like last week. Here's hoping I keep up that Thursday morning swim. Despite swimming more slowly, I felt more comfortable in the water more quickly due to last Thursday's swim.

Instead of rest days, I'm trying to consider anything over 24 hours a bit of a rest, ie. running the long run on Saturday afternoon, and the previous work out being early Friday morning.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Long run, new year

Well, this first week of the new year is going just great. I've figured out how to fit in a long run. It will have to happen on Saturdays, and will be arranged around the girls' soccer. Both girls play indoor soccer on Saturdays and my husband coaches. Today, there wasn't time to run in between their games, so I ran after the second game, as soon as my husband got home. I also baked bread in between. I'd like to add "sit with a book and read" to my plans for Saturdays, too.

But on the exercise front, this is an excellent spot to place a run. I might end up not running on Friday evenings anymore. This week I ran instead on Friday morning, getting up early (my fifth early morning of the week! I think that's a record), and ran 8.5km. Or slogged, more like it. It's harder going in the slush and the cold.

Today was a good day for a run. The paths were clear and not icy. The temp above zero. But it got very grey just as I prepared to head out and the temp dropped and sure enough it snowed during my run. Icy pellets that were blown by the wind into my face, and kind of hurt.

I went 15.5km in a time of one hour, 22 minutes (which includes time spent waiting at very slow stoplights--stupid traffic!). I can't figure out how to run a long slow run. Frankly, I just want to push the pace no matter what distance I'm going. I want to go as fast and hard as I can comfortably manage. Not sure why. Must be the brain I was born with.

Plan for tomorrow: possibly a morning yoga class. Possibly a run during my daughter's soccer practice. Both would be nice. I'd like to squeeze both in. We shall see.

Another running goal I have for this year is to run a minimum of 40km per week. I'd like to aim to run between 40-50, and if I'm training for a marathon that should be closer to 60+. But 40 is a manageable number to aim for on a regular basis. I think. So far this week I've run 32km, so I'd just need to run 8km tomorrow afternoon. Very doable.

Next week's long run with be a little bit longer, but not too much longer. I'd like to add no more than 2km per week as I bump up the distance to about 25km in preparation for the 30km race at the end of March. I don't think I'll run any longer than that for my long runs in preparation. And we'll see how it goes. I'd also like to sign up for the same half-marathon I ran last spring in early April, provided I'm nott be too worn out after the 30km race. I won't have to train any differently in order to add that race in.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

A new year

Hello and happy new year!

It's been a good start so far, with a strong and steady week. I still need to figure out where and when to fit in more running, especially the long run that I'll need to do weekly to prepare for the longer races. But this week has gone smoothly.

I swam on Monday, 2500m, though the last 500 were a total slog. I was going so slowly by that point! It took me 55 minutes to swim 2500m.

Tuesday was spin class. I felt like it was easier to get into the zone than it had been that last class before Christmas holidays. I was so zoned that I pushed extremely hard and thought I might throw up after those last few sprints. Thankfully for everyone, I did not. Not to self: don't eat for breakfast pre-workout.

Wednesday, yesterday, I ran, as usual. A little shorter because we used our winter route in the 'hood. About 8km. Slower with all the snow and cold. And then my husband and I went to a yoga class together. It was more of a long stretch class than a hard workout. Perfect. Except my lower back is still bothering me.

This morning I got up early and went swimming. My husband had planned to come along (our kids were having an overnight at their grandma's), but he wasn't keen when the alarm rang. He's not used to getting up so early. And he also sounded less interested when he heard how long I planned to swim. He's been swimming with the older kids some mornings, but they only go for about 20-30 minutes. So I went swimming on my own and he went to yoga instead. And I swam 3000m!!!! In 62 minutes!!! Only slightly over my goal time or 60 minutes flat. The coolest thing was that I actually got faster. My last 500m were my fastest. I felt so smooth in the water at that point, like I was one with the water. It's good to remember that only a few days ago I did not feel so strong. So there are good days and days that are more challenging, no matter how fit you are.

I came home pumped. But pretty tired.

Hoping for a yoga class tomorrow. Or a run. Or both. We shall see.