Today, I'm tired. I took a long nap this afternoon, which is most unlike me (the youngest snuggled beside me watching TV). Why so tired? I had a great week, last week, training-wise; well, in one sense, it was great, and in another, it was not in the least targeted toward the final triathlon goal. I did yoga four times, and ran once; I couldn't run on the weekend due to my husband's work schedule, and I wasn't sorry about that. Instead, I went to a kundalini yoga class and was deeply humbled by the weakness in my thighs, which I'd assumed were made of steel or something. Nope. The effects are still with me. Stairs hurt.
Nevertheless, this morning, after I'd volunteered in my daughter's kindergarten class, I had just enough time to go for a forty-minute run before picking up my youngest from nursery school. Other than the fact that I arrived dripping with sweat, this was a good experiment, and I'm looking forward to repeating the plan on another Monday. But instead of coming home and making good use of the two hours of "quiet time" that we often have after lunch, I slept most of it away.
Why? Why so tired? Because you're training, said a friend on the walk to school. Right. But what's the balance? I was hoping that by becoming stronger, I would gain more stamina, rather than suffer from the effects of training. So maybe I need to figure out what exercise strengthens me without wearing me down. Is there such a thing? I do find that yoga comes close. I would miss running, though. Will I get up early on Wednesday to go swimming, now that the pool's open? I'm not sure. Getting up early ... less and less appealing, the more tired I feel. I'm not sure what would give me the sense of feeling "recovered."
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Day 51: Dreams
My dreams last night were unpleasant--not quite bad enough to qualify as nightmares, but definitely not dreams I would seek out again. And they all involved the triathlon project. In my dreams, I was either talking about attempting a triathlon, or preparing to attempt a triathlon, and everyone was doubting my ability to complete it, including me. Not exactly subtle. I don't think I'll need an intepreter to figure out the message of self-doubt. But it was slightly worse than that. I think in the dream I also didn't want to attempt a triathlon, but was going to try anyway.
I continue to wonder whether I've set the bar too high for myself, as I squeeze time to fit in extra runs and yoga classes. Rather than feeling happy with what I'm doing, I feel as if I'm perpetually falling short. That seems essentially self-defeating, if the point is to ... well, what is the point of this project, anyway? At times, I've begun to believe that it's part of my spiritual journey, that by living in my body in such a physically expressive way is one way to express gratitude for the very existence of this body, in this moment in time. I am saying, thank you for letting me do this, right now. Thank you for this moment in time.
Which is why it seems so especially wrong to hear myself saying, not enough, not good enough.
I continue to wonder whether I've set the bar too high for myself, as I squeeze time to fit in extra runs and yoga classes. Rather than feeling happy with what I'm doing, I feel as if I'm perpetually falling short. That seems essentially self-defeating, if the point is to ... well, what is the point of this project, anyway? At times, I've begun to believe that it's part of my spiritual journey, that by living in my body in such a physically expressive way is one way to express gratitude for the very existence of this body, in this moment in time. I am saying, thank you for letting me do this, right now. Thank you for this moment in time.
Which is why it seems so especially wrong to hear myself saying, not enough, not good enough.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Day 49: Still Here
Did that last post sound like I was giving up? I'm not. I'm just trying to think differently about how to accomplish the goal, little by little, rather than all in one gulp. It's the long haul that interests me, not the short burst of activity; that's my philosophy for most things in life, though there are moments when the burst is worth a lot, too. The moment of inspiration.
I ran on Saturday, all in a hurry and speeding up and looking at my watch (first time wearing a watch), because I was due home to take my daughter to a lesson at a very specific time--and I wanted a shower first. I made it. But I was annoyed with myself for running less than 10k (there wasn't time for more), and for running whatever it ended up being--somewhere between 8 and 9k--in just under 50 minutes. I felt like I should be faster. I didn't give myself a mental break for not having eaten breakfast, or for being exhausted after a long week, or anything. "You're not impressed by my attitude, are you," I said to my husband, after moaning about how I'd fallen short of my morning's goal, and he said, "Go easy on yourself," or something to that effect. Appreciate what you're doing, don't judge yourself so critically.
Something to work on--because I know my self-judgement can spill over into judging others too, and I very much do not want to be that kind of person. I aim to be someone open to differences, generous, and respectful of all effort regardless of results.
Sunday was a day of rest. Yesterday, I went to a 60 minute yoga class, and cleared my mind. Today, I ran 8k with a friend in the very very very dark of pre-dawn that is now 6 o'clock in the morning. We were surprised by a brief but soaking rain storm that hit about halfway through; surprised and refreshed. It's a beautiful day, warmer than it seemed it would be. It is so easy to run while talking. I didn't think about feeling tired or achy. I am both. I am taking a break till tomorrow evening when I plan to go to a 90 minute yoga class. I haven't given up on swim lessons yet, either. I would still like to go, to squeeze it in. At the very least, I will go to the first lesson and see how disruptive it is to my writing day.
I ran on Saturday, all in a hurry and speeding up and looking at my watch (first time wearing a watch), because I was due home to take my daughter to a lesson at a very specific time--and I wanted a shower first. I made it. But I was annoyed with myself for running less than 10k (there wasn't time for more), and for running whatever it ended up being--somewhere between 8 and 9k--in just under 50 minutes. I felt like I should be faster. I didn't give myself a mental break for not having eaten breakfast, or for being exhausted after a long week, or anything. "You're not impressed by my attitude, are you," I said to my husband, after moaning about how I'd fallen short of my morning's goal, and he said, "Go easy on yourself," or something to that effect. Appreciate what you're doing, don't judge yourself so critically.
Something to work on--because I know my self-judgement can spill over into judging others too, and I very much do not want to be that kind of person. I aim to be someone open to differences, generous, and respectful of all effort regardless of results.
Sunday was a day of rest. Yesterday, I went to a 60 minute yoga class, and cleared my mind. Today, I ran 8k with a friend in the very very very dark of pre-dawn that is now 6 o'clock in the morning. We were surprised by a brief but soaking rain storm that hit about halfway through; surprised and refreshed. It's a beautiful day, warmer than it seemed it would be. It is so easy to run while talking. I didn't think about feeling tired or achy. I am both. I am taking a break till tomorrow evening when I plan to go to a 90 minute yoga class. I haven't given up on swim lessons yet, either. I would still like to go, to squeeze it in. At the very least, I will go to the first lesson and see how disruptive it is to my writing day.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Day 45: Sleep and the lack thereof
Ran this morning. Not early. Ran instead for half an hour after the kids had all left the house. It was not a pleasant run, not because my body felt tired or incapable, but because I was filled with impatience, wanting instead to be at home in front of my computer using this time for my real work, which is writing. I have found a publisher for my second book, and it will require a lot of editing and rewriting to bring it to completion; and the only time for that, and for the myriad of other related work that I also much do, is while my children are away. But I could not rise early this morning. I was up every two hours with a child during the night and dragged myeslf out of bed after 7 feeling as though none of us had slept soundly.
Sleep is key to my energetic plans. Without it, I begin to crumble.
Do I still want to attempt a triathlon? I am considering dropping out of swim lessons and trying just to swim laps with what I know, because I can't afford to break up one of my two rare writing days a week for a swim lesson. I need that extended time in order to get any work of real depth completed.
No, I'm not quitting. Just going to re-jig slightly, and focus on slightly different goals. Right now, I would like to be in shape to run a 10km race in about a month. It's do-able, even with more writing work.
Sleep is key to my energetic plans. Without it, I begin to crumble.
Do I still want to attempt a triathlon? I am considering dropping out of swim lessons and trying just to swim laps with what I know, because I can't afford to break up one of my two rare writing days a week for a swim lesson. I need that extended time in order to get any work of real depth completed.
No, I'm not quitting. Just going to re-jig slightly, and focus on slightly different goals. Right now, I would like to be in shape to run a 10km race in about a month. It's do-able, even with more writing work.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Day 43: Good Start, But ...
So, it was a good start to the week, exercise-wise. I rose early on Monday for yoga, then again early yesterday to run with a friend (and if she hadn't been coming to my door, there is no way I would have gotten up). I always feel terrific after a run. And I felt great on the run too (approximately 8km). Last night I went to a concert where we chanted in Sanskirt for much of the evening. But that doesn't count as exercise; and we got home around 1am, which meant no early rising for me. Sometimes, my focus has to be on surviving rather than improving. But if I'd made it to bed earlier, I would have tried for the early morning yoga class because tonight I will be at my kids' meet-the-teacher night, nowhere near the 90-minute hot yoga class of my plans. Friends are coming over for supper tomorrow, so unless I can get up early tomorrow morning (unlikely, given that it's my girls' night out and I really want to go; again, the question of balance arises--friends or exercise? Um. The choice is obvious to me. Friends!!!!), there will be no exercising tomorrow either. Therefore, rising early on Friday morning is a necessity. Friday evening my mother-in-law is arriving; plus, we pick up food from a local buying club, and the kids have skating after school. So ... Friday evening will never be a good exercise evening. Plus, I don't know about you, but by Friday evening my body is usually this close to complete shut-down.
Thinking out loud here, but it looks like an early morning yoga class on Friday, and a run on Saturday morning will be in order. Or the other way around. I am considering treating Sunday as a day of rest, not just from the exercise program, but from all of my more major duties--cooking, canning, baking, cleaning. This is starting to feel imperative for my general sanity and lifestyle: one day every week to spend with my family, not doing much of anything.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day 41: How Much Is Too Much?
Two friends who have trained for half-marathons have recommended signing up for a running club's clinics, and simply following their lead. One friend mentioned that the hill and interval training sessions are quite short, if intense, often no more than half an hour. I am currently running for an hour no matter what I'm doing, and I'm beginning to question whether my joints can take it; and whether perhaps this is an inefficient method of training. Perhaps I should be doing more sprints, less distance. I am seriously considering signing up for their marathon clinic this winter/spring. I would like to run in the Ottawa marathon, which takes place late in May.
I've also decided to schedule in a second yoga class every week, as a way of maintaining and improving flexibility; but the hot yoga I practice is also good for strengthening muscles, and building stamina. At one class a week, I'm just doing maintenance; with two classes, I may see improvement.
The indoor pool is under construction, and there are no longer morning and evening lane swims at the outdoor pool, due to lack of light (boy is it ever dark at 6am these days!). I have signed up for swim lessons which will start in October, but meanwhile, I am not swimming laps. I would like to add one early morning swim into my week once the indoor pool opens again.
So ... two yoga classes, two swims, perhaps two runs? I haven't figured out how to fit cycling into the equation. The distances and speeds necessary to train seem daunting. And I haven't fixed my bike yet, though I have had it checked for size, and it is close to being a good fit--just needs a bit of tinkering, and a new pair of tires put on. I did notice that there's a women-only triathlon in a nearby city next summer. I plan to look into that one.
:::
I woke at 3:30 this morning and told my husband to turn off his alarm. I'd been planning to start this week with an early morning yoga class, since I can't get out this evening due to his soccer game. But at 3:30am, all I could think about was getting more sleep--one extra hour. I said, just turn it off and if my body decides it wants to go, I'll go. In other words, if my interior alarm clock goes off, I'll listen. Wouldn't you know, out of a deep sleep I felt my eyes opening, almost against my will, and I thought to myself, please please please don't let the clock say 5:50. But it did. My body had woken--to the very minute--at the time I'd planned to rise for class. I hesitated for half a minute, then thought about how good I'd feel stretching out my body. So I got up, and did class. Early morning classes aren't ideal because I am always in a rush to leave at the end, knowing what awaits me at home; I was distracted by the slog ahead.
And it was chaos to get everyone out the door on time. There were tears, last minute admonishments--where's your water bottle! don't forget your sunhat!--and then my youngest daughter's bus never arrived at its stop, so instead of seeing her off, waving goodbye, and coming home to a quiet house, we had to run home (we have to walk a block and a half to get to her stop), and I DROVE her to school, which is totally against my principles.
Small potatoes. The house is now quiet. And it is time for me to get to work.
:::
One more thing. With all this extra activity and training and early mornings, on the days when I don't rise early, I feel almost as if I were on holiday, and it makes even the most demanding day appear that much easier. It's all relative.
I've also decided to schedule in a second yoga class every week, as a way of maintaining and improving flexibility; but the hot yoga I practice is also good for strengthening muscles, and building stamina. At one class a week, I'm just doing maintenance; with two classes, I may see improvement.
The indoor pool is under construction, and there are no longer morning and evening lane swims at the outdoor pool, due to lack of light (boy is it ever dark at 6am these days!). I have signed up for swim lessons which will start in October, but meanwhile, I am not swimming laps. I would like to add one early morning swim into my week once the indoor pool opens again.
So ... two yoga classes, two swims, perhaps two runs? I haven't figured out how to fit cycling into the equation. The distances and speeds necessary to train seem daunting. And I haven't fixed my bike yet, though I have had it checked for size, and it is close to being a good fit--just needs a bit of tinkering, and a new pair of tires put on. I did notice that there's a women-only triathlon in a nearby city next summer. I plan to look into that one.
:::
I woke at 3:30 this morning and told my husband to turn off his alarm. I'd been planning to start this week with an early morning yoga class, since I can't get out this evening due to his soccer game. But at 3:30am, all I could think about was getting more sleep--one extra hour. I said, just turn it off and if my body decides it wants to go, I'll go. In other words, if my interior alarm clock goes off, I'll listen. Wouldn't you know, out of a deep sleep I felt my eyes opening, almost against my will, and I thought to myself, please please please don't let the clock say 5:50. But it did. My body had woken--to the very minute--at the time I'd planned to rise for class. I hesitated for half a minute, then thought about how good I'd feel stretching out my body. So I got up, and did class. Early morning classes aren't ideal because I am always in a rush to leave at the end, knowing what awaits me at home; I was distracted by the slog ahead.
And it was chaos to get everyone out the door on time. There were tears, last minute admonishments--where's your water bottle! don't forget your sunhat!--and then my youngest daughter's bus never arrived at its stop, so instead of seeing her off, waving goodbye, and coming home to a quiet house, we had to run home (we have to walk a block and a half to get to her stop), and I DROVE her to school, which is totally against my principles.
Small potatoes. The house is now quiet. And it is time for me to get to work.
:::
One more thing. With all this extra activity and training and early mornings, on the days when I don't rise early, I feel almost as if I were on holiday, and it makes even the most demanding day appear that much easier. It's all relative.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Day 39: Small Observation
Quiet steady run this morning. Not what I felt like doing, but I went ahead and did it. I ran a slightly different loop, my goal being to run further than 8km, but perhaps not 10, since I felt pretty weak upon heading out. When measured out afterward, my course was 9.3km; not bad. I had energy, so I pushed the last kilometre in about 4 minutes.
Today's observation: just because you feel lousy when you start out doesn't mean you'll feel worse as you go along. I never felt fabulous or strong, but then again, I didn't feel any worse throughout the entire run.
I got some stats from my race. I finished 123 overall, out of 287 participants. I was 36th among the women runners. And my average time per kilometre was 5:38. I can definitely improve on these stats, but I'm pleased with them for a first-time experience. My goal is to run a 5 minute kilometre during a race of this length. Not sure how much my goal might change over a longer course, or how fast I could expect myself to be able to run. It's occurred to me that I may need to buy a watch. I haven't worn one since I was about twelve.
Today's observation: just because you feel lousy when you start out doesn't mean you'll feel worse as you go along. I never felt fabulous or strong, but then again, I didn't feel any worse throughout the entire run.
I got some stats from my race. I finished 123 overall, out of 287 participants. I was 36th among the women runners. And my average time per kilometre was 5:38. I can definitely improve on these stats, but I'm pleased with them for a first-time experience. My goal is to run a 5 minute kilometre during a race of this length. Not sure how much my goal might change over a longer course, or how fast I could expect myself to be able to run. It's occurred to me that I may need to buy a watch. I haven't worn one since I was about twelve.
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