That fit/not fit feeling

I've been reflecting on how I don't feel fit at the moment. And how that's really fairly insane, given what my body is capable of doing. But the more I've accomplished, the higher my standards become. Sometimes, on my runs these days, I have to remind myself of all the reasons I'm not hitting my mental targets for speed and (sometimes, less frequently) distance. I'll remind myself that I continue to nurse injuries, that it's insanely hot and humid, that I did a hard work-out the day before -- whatever the "excuse" may be. Because it's not really an excuse, it's the situation. I keep trying to remind myself how excellent it is to get out and exercise no matter what. No matter that I can't hit my top pace every day, and every run. No matter that some days I'm more sluggish than others.

The important thing remains that I'm continuing to exercise -- and continuing to enjoy it.

Part of the enjoyment, of course, comes from seeing progress, so it's hard when I'm working hard and not seeing that progress. I wonder whether I've peaked as an athlete? Maybe. Maybe it doesn't matter.

I'm enjoying the new challenge that soccer provides. I finally let my husband (who is a talented soccer player and coach) come out and watch a game yesterday. I really wanted him to, actually. I sense that I have some raw talent, but there are holes in my skills and tactical understanding of the game that I just knew he could help me with. (If I could accept the advice!) It's hard to accept advice -- or hard not to hear only the criticism, so it helped to hear everything I was already doing right mixed into the advice too. I'm speedy, I challenge for the ball and win it often, I'm aggressive, and I work hard. But I'm not running the angles, and I need to practice certain skills -- directing the ball with my body when receiving it; turning with the ball; and running with the ball. I also need to shoot more frequently when coming in on the net -- my tendency is to pass it instead, because I don't want to be seen as a ball hog. Duh. They have me up front as a striker because they want me to shoot the ball and score! I needed that reminder yesterday.

I'm also interested in the tactical elements of the game, and hope to work with teammates on a few ideas. For example, my husband tells me that forwards shouldn't be tied to one side of the field, but should be constantly looking for ways to make space for each other, even if that means running to the opposite side of the field, either to follow the play, or to make space. It confuses the defenders. It opens up the game.

So what I'm learning, about seven games in, is getting more sophisticated.

I'm trying to maintain my weekend long run, but it's a challenge with the soccer game falling on Sunday afternoons. So I've been trying to run on Saturdays. This Saturday I worked up to 18.5km, but it was a very humid and hot afternoon, and even though I went out with lots of hydration on board, I kept experiencing worrisome symptoms throughout the run -- chills, mostly. My pace was dreadful. I was never better than 5:30/km, and was often as slow as 5:45, even 5:50 for my last 3km split. I've rarely felt so drained at the end of a run, just trying to keep my feet turning over. It was disappointing to say the least. I also felt my hip the next day, which reminds me that I haven't done physio exercises for ages.

Add that to the mix, daily is my plan. I did both yoga stretches and physio exercises yesterday. Stretching post-soccer is key to my injury-free soccer plan. My IT band was bothering me two weeks ago. All it took was some yoga (at home) and everything kind of snapped back into place. But my quad muscle is still bothering me, and slowing me on the runs.

I'm also excited to add swimming back into the mix on a more regular basis for the next three weeks. I'll get to swim four times this week, accompanying my daughter to her hour-long swim lessons. Today I changed after we got there, and it was feedback day (argh!) so my swim was cut a bit short, but I put in 1800m. I LOVE swimming outdoors in the 50m pool. Nothing compares. LOVE IT. I'll get four swims this week, and then half hour swims for the following two weeks while the little kids are in their swim lessons. I just know it's going to bump up my fitness level. And it's easy on the legs. Would love to swim daily all summer long. Was fantasizing about going with husband over lunch hour, wondering how much time that would take out of our work days and whether we could fit it in this summer.

I'm training toward the 25 km Toad, and also hoping to run the Hamilton marathon this fall. But I don't feel as strong as I did last summer -- I haven't had the same race schedule, and I haven't done a single outdoor bike ride yet this summer. I think the cross-training last year contributed to my speed and endurance, and really, I've mainly been running. It's easy, and I can fit it in around my kids' crazy soccer schedules. I've been too tired to do many early mornings.

Anyway, back to the fit/not fit question. I was thinking about how insane it is to think of myself as "not that fit." Which is what I'll admit I'm feeling as I hack along at 5:45/km. But I'm 37 years old, and I'm able to run 18.5km on Saturday, play 90 minutes of hard-running soccer 24 hours later, and then swim 1800m less than 24 hours after that. I think most people would consider that relatively fit, right??

So I'm going to try to, too. Rather than measuring it all in speeds and splits, I'm going to be happy with continuing to be able to exercise regularly, at whatever level my body is able to manage.