Sunday, November 27, 2011

Running Club ...

I'm not at running club on this rainy Sunday morning. I'm not there not because it's raining (I'll run in any weather), but because I've decided it's not for me, at least not right now.

I've taken two days off, which has sucked, but my leg feels a lot better. I'm going to try going for a run this evening at my daughter's soccer practice. Hopefully with a headlamp affixed to my head! (Still need to acquire headlamp.)

Here is my thinking about running club:

1. I run because it's therapeutic. I feel better about EVERYTHING after a good run, and often, during it too. I love running fast and seeing improvement and getting faster -- but that's not why I run. I run because I love running. Period.

2. I loved my run with the running club, but I have difficulty moderating my effort at the best of times. I want to run pretty much forever. I don't want to over-reach and injure myself. Listen, I wasn't on the track team in university. I'm twenty years older than the kids on the track team now -- and I'm asking myself to run with them and to keep up? The mind is willing, but the body may not be. "I could never push myself this hard all on my own," I said to the coach. And that could be a good thing; but the more I think about it, the more I think it could also be a bad thing. Maybe my body isn't meant to be pushed harder than I can push it all by myself. When I'm trying to keep up, I will push to the very limit and disregard what my body is telling me. I'm not sure that's a good idea.

3. I run when it's convenient. This changes every single week. Running is the most flexible exercise to schedule. I cherish it for being an anytime option. I need anytime options in my exercise life.

4. I don't need a club to motivate me (which is probably why lots of people like running with a group). I like running solo and being alone with my thoughts. A running club could work for that, especially one where we're running really fast. Hard to talk while panting. But there are other running clubs that allow for drop-ins and that are free. If I want to run with others on a dark evening that suits my schedule, those are options.

5. Finally, and related to all of the above, do I want to change something that's working into something different? How fast could I get? It's so tempting to find out. And yet, and yet. I think that's my ego talking. I've gotten pretty fast training all by myself -- and without injuring myself (knock on wood) -- while going for brilliant, happy, unique, memorable, saving runs in all weathers and all seasons, and I want to keep that -- the anytime, anywhere, squeeze 'em in, make 'em count runs.

I'm a little disappointed in myself as I write this. I'm disappointed because part of me wants to be a super-star runner, not just a reasonably fast middle-aged runner. The part of me that is super-competitive is frowning deeply and saying, The least you could do is try! Think how much faster you'd be if you joined this running club! But the other part, the middle-aged runner part, is saying, Listen, I got pretty fast over this past year all on my own. And I am trying! I'm trying to balance improved fitness with the rest of my life.

Truthfully, if this running club allowed me to drop in on occasion, I totally would. I loved the rush. It's the necessity of the commitment that's stopping me cold. I completely understand why the coach needs that commitment; if I were a coach, I'd demand the same thing. But it just doesn't fit with my life -- with the reality of four children and the after-school/evening routine of volleyball, theatre, swim lessons, piano, soccer, dance, homework, supper, and bedtime. I can commit to running. I can even commit to running four, five, six times a week. I just can't commit to when, from week to week.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Ow.

So .... my sciatic nerve was bothering me when I was running last night. It's been bothering me for the past week, nothing major, just twinges. But on the run home from the park it definitely seemed more pronounced. And by "it" I mean the pain.

And then it woke me up in the night.

And this morning I couldn't bend over to touch my toes (I am usually quite flexible.) I tried doing a few sun salutations to get the muscle loosened up but it just hurt. My husband the kinesiologist looked up some info and recommended some stretches. These are all familiar yoga-type stretches, easy to do. I took some ibuprofen. I am sitting on an ice pack.

Maybe I'm too damn old to be pushing myself??? The mind is willing but the body is weak??

I plan to do nothing but rest today, and stretch a bit. I could rest tomorrow too. And then try the running club on Sunday morning. I will have to ask my body what it thinks. I dreamed about the running club all night. I really want to join.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Running club (!!!)

This post's for you, Tricia. Yup. I went.

I never thought I'd make it. My eldest had a volleyball game after school, and I drove him, plus his siblings, plus two friends. We didn't get home until after 5pm. I still had supper to make. By the time I'd whipped up supper it was ten to 6. Running club meets at 5:30. But the coach had told me that they warm up for half an hour, then run. And that they run in the park. I was feeling antsy. I really needed to get out. So I downed a banana, threw on my running gear, and ran for the park. It was so dark. But at least there might be other people running at the park, I figured ... maybe even the running club.

I ran fast (or tried to) and started doing the loop that was lit up. A few runners went by. Nope, nope, nope, not the running club. I'd run about 4 and a half kilometres by myeslf when I spotted a big group gathering at the parking lot along my loop. I almost lost my nerve and ran by, but I thought okay seriously what do I have to lose? So I stopped and introduced myself to the guy who I thought must be the coach. And he was. He said they were just getting going on their speedy stuff and I could join in, or watch, or chat, or whatever I wanted. So I joined in. I'd come to run after all.

Wow. I am soooooo not fast. We did a drill where we ran 400 metres as fast as we could, then walked for 200, then turned around and ran 400, then walked for 200, and repeated the drill all over again. Immediately after that, we ran 1100 metres at a pace that was meant to be comfortable but not slow, ie. pretty darn fast for me. For the first part of the drill I kept up, toward the middle of the pack, but by the time we headed for the "comfortable" 1100m loop, I realized I'd slipped toward the back. And I never caught up again. We did the full drill a second time. And then the group headed into a third round. By that first sprint of the third round, I realized my sprint was looking pretty lame and I was having to run hard during my 200m "rest" in order to catch up to the tail end of the group to start all over again. (Though there were maybe two or three girls who were just behind me.) At this point, the coach called out in a friendly way to tell me that I didn't have to do the whole thing. He also said, "Your attitude's too good! You probably got all 85s in school didn't you?" And I'm like, heh, he's got me pegged. Except it was more like 90s. Once a keener, always a keener.

Not everyone in the group kept going. So I didn't feel like a total slacker for stopping after that last sprint. But a bunch of those runners. Wow. They just didn't slow down at all.

I think I'm hooked. I hope so. Because if I can commit to this and show up and do this, two or three times a week, I think I'll get faster. Or at least I'll find out if I can get faster. Something that made me feel good was hearing that the other woman in the group who ran the Hamilton marathon did it in 3:45. She was bummed because she'd been aiming for 3:35 but went out too fast and crashed. So I actually ran it faster than her. She didn't do the whole drill either. She was recovering. So I guess I could have said I was recovering too. Which I probably am.

By the time I ran home, I'd been gone awhile. Still laundry to hang, supper to eat and clean up from, homework to supervise, kids to put to bed, and now I'm bloggin and those darn dishes STILL aren't done. But I feel pretty good. Way better than I felt for most of the day. It's always better to get out. I think I've found my mental health boost. I need to remember that, and do it no matter what. I'm so hoping I can make this a regular thing and keep getting out in evenings. Commit to a year.

Next running club: Sunday morning. I'm going to have to swing some carpooling for a kid's birthday party in order to get there, but I'd like to try.

And I ran 14.5km tonight. No wonder I was feeling pretty worn out by the end! I'd never push myself that hard all on my own. There's just no way. And I like being pushed. I think the coach thought I was slightly nuts when he asked how it was, and I said FUN!

Monday, November 21, 2011

A new week

On Friday, I ran during my daughter's goalie practice. It was completely dark. Middle of the night dark. There are plenty of paved paths around the sports facility, but only some are lit by streetlights. These all basically run alongside a busy road, so the path was also lit by headlights, more irritating than illuminating. I could really use a head lamp. That may be my next big running purchase, ahead of a coveted GPS watch. But safety is more important than keeping precise track of distances.

It takes some determination to run in the dark, and to follow a fairly boring back and forth path, repeatedly. I made it nearly 12km, though, in 55 minutes. I tried to hustle. The wind was sharp and cold. It will get tougher with snow and ice pellets added in. I was fantasizing about a running balaclava too. Hm. Christmas and birthday coming up, hint hint.

Tougher or more challenging? I don't mind the challenge.

I did nothing on Saturday except recover from too much fun on Friday night.

Yesterday, I ran during my daughter's practice at a different location, my favourite trails. Her practice starts at 4:30 and it was already getting dark by that time. And we still have another month of darkening evenings! Ugh. It's the lack of light that I mind, much more than the temperature. I ran the trails until it was too dark (around 5:15) and then I ran around and around a field until I'd gone about 55 minutes. It's difficult to estimate distance because the trails wind through bush and even with Google's geographic feature they aren't visible. I'm guessing it was similar to the previous evening's distance, though it involved more hills, so I likely went slightly slower.

The good news is that I felt on both runs that my legs were back in pre-marathon form. It took about two weeks to recover, but if that's all, that's pretty sweet. I could run another marathon next weekend folks! Except the season is over. And I'm not crazy.

Swim this morning. I was so tired my brain felt basically asleep, but I'd been having a bad dream that I didn't object to being woken out of (a social-pariah dream; I was in some awkward social situation with people who were younger than me by at least a decade, and I kept doing "mom" things with disastrous results; there you go, a peek into the insecurities of my psyche.) Anywayyyyyy. Once I got into the pool -- the real actual pool -- I felt pretty good, and only felt better as the swim went on. My stroke got smoother, it was easier to get into a rhythm, and I really didn't feel fatigued the entire swim. I was breathing pretty hard when I got out though. A good workout. With a little more time at my disposal, I felt certain I could have gone 3000m, but it would have taken too long. Plus some other dude got into my lane right about then and it didn't look like we were going the same speed at all. And the kids and my husband were at home waiting for me to return so they could take their turn at the pool. We're fortunate that we live so close to a pool. We can squeeze in four swim in two separate sessions before 8am.

I swam 2500m in 52 minutes. I was pleased. I was laying down a very consistent 500m swim throughout, anywhere between 10 to 11 minutes (I don't wear a watch in the pool or time my splits with any kind of precision, I just check the big clock at each 500m point.) My aim is to swim 3000m in 60 minutes, which I could just squeeze in if I'm in the pool exactly at 5:45. And if I could actually swim that far, that fast -- laying down 500m in exactly 10 minute intervals. I like a goal.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Just because I'm not writing ...

... doesn't mean I haven't been doing anything. But I haven't been noting it down. I guess with nothing pressing to train for, it seems less important to remark on my regular work-outs. This week I've gotten up early three mornings out of four (of course, this morning, the one I had for sleeping in until 7, my three-year-old decided to wake up screaming at 6:30, which he never ever does except for mornings when I'm sleeping in. Seriously.)

Anyway ... Monday I swam. It had been awhile since I'd been in the pool, and I only went about 2000m. Probably ever so slightly more. I was having trouble keeping count. I should really swim twice weekly to maintain my fitness and comfort in the pool, but that would have been this morning, and I was sleeping in this morning, remember!

I also went to a fun 90-minute hot yoga class on Monday evening. It was a flow class, lots of downward dogs and leg-work. My thighs stood up to it better than expected. Also lots of arm-work on the floor, which I appreciated.

Tuesday was spin. It was a tough class. I realized that there was no way I felt like going to the running club that evening. No way.

So I got up and ran on Wednesday morning with my friend instead. I probably couldn't keep doing the Wed. run if I added in a Tues/Thurs running club outing. So I'm really feeling torn and conflicted. I guess I could keep the Wed. run no matter what. It's pretty slow and easy, more of an opportunity for a conversation than a work-out. But I'm wondering whether the running club is remotely feasible. I haven't been able to stick consistently to any evening program with set times. My schedule is just too variable with all these kids. And I'm often worn out by evening. Early mornings are the best for a consistent practice.

I can't make it to the running club tonight due to teacher interviews.

Will I attempt to go on Sunday morning after spending both Friday and Saturday evenings in happy socializing, as planned??? I just don't know. It's a $300 commitment for the year, which isn't enormous given what a lot of things cost, but it isn't nothing, and I really need to know that I can commit before committing.

Today is an off day. I could have gotten up early to do something, but ... I didn't. May get up for an early yoga class tomorrow morning. And may try running in the dark tomorrow eve while my daughter's at soccer. Why not. I do love running. And then, maybe maybe maybe (probably not) Sunday running club. Hm.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Talked to the coach

So the running coach called me back. We had a great conversation yesterday afternoon, and I felt really excited. The main problem is going to be making those meeting times regularly. The team meets three times a week, and he said I'd need to come twice a week to make it worth my while. He focusses on middle distances (ie. 5 and 10km), but he has runners who run longer distances too. I figure if I get faster at the 5 or 10km distance it will make me faster at the marathon distance too. I have to get my legs moving faster in order to go faster, no matter my endurance levels.

Mostly, I just felt really excited by the conversation, and by the thought of training with a group. I've never done that. My high school cross country team (of which I was a lame lame member in my last year of high school) had maybe four people on it, and we trained together once or twice and then went to two meets. At which I sucked. Probably because I only trained once or twice. I really don't think that counts.

So I was thinking that this coming year could be all about running. What if I run with a team two or three times a week, with coaching and doing drills? Would I continue to see improvements? It seems likely. When I look at my times and my splits, I've gotten faster over the course of this past year just training all on my own. The team includes a local university's track and cross country team, as well as people like me, ages 14-60. It's not a huge team. I need to just go and try it out. Not this week because the coach is away this week. Maybe next week. They train all year round and actually do a bunch of their training at the park that's just down the street from us, plus at my favourite trails park.

Will I like running with a team? With a group? With coaching? He wasn't terribly impressed by my 10km race time: "There's room for improvement," was his comment. I agree, and I want to be improved! He also doesn't think much of marathoning because it wears a person out so much. I do get what he's saying, because my runs this morning and yesterday evening were both slow and my muscles were achy. It could be a month before I'm fully recovered (if what I've read about recovery is to be believed.) It didn't feel like that extreme of an effort, however, so I hope that recovery time is wrong. The coach pointed out that the recovery time after a 5km or 10km race is much shorter, which I'm sure is true.

Do I have the guts for this? I think so. I'm so excited to get the chance to try. When I was a kid, I dreamed of being a runner and getting coached, and training. But it never happened. I'm not even sure there were coaches who would have trained an eight-year-old kid. By the time I was a teen, and I could have joined track teams and trained harder, I was a lot slower and less energetic, and not very interested anymore. Too many other interests, I guess. Bottom line, I never trained with any kind of regularity or seriousness. And then I kind of forgot about it as an option.

So the idea of never-too-late is pretty exciting. The thirties are prime running years (or can be) for women athletes. And I've gained determination and commitment as I've gotten older. I didn't have that before. I used to be much more afraid of failing, much more of a perfectionist (believe it or not.) That's probably been the biggest change this past decade has brought to me. Being willing to fail, being willing to say, "I don't know what I'm doing," being willing to ask for help. I can thank motherhood for that, alright.

(I was also thinking that training for the triathlon led me back to running. When you set off toward a goal, you just never know where it's going to take you.)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Took the morning off

Yes. I actually took the morning off. I did not go to spin class. I'd intended to go, and laid out my clothes, and then asked my husband's opinion--I said: most of my Facebook friends think I should take tomorrow off. And he said, I agree. He is a kinesiologist, so I like to consult him on matters related to training. And his argument made sense. I'm stiff and sore because my muscles have suffered many small tears--this isn't a bad thing, but could be if I don't rest and instead go hard too soon and turn small tears into big ones. The "you could injure yourself" argument was the one that got me.

He did suggest I could go swimming instead, since it would work difference muscles, but once I'd decided not to go spinning, I wasn't going to get up to go swimming. I'm also quite tired. Rest is important to recovery too.

Last night before bed I took a bath with Epson salts--brought to me by a friend!! What a sweet gift. I slept well. And I'm feeling ready to get back to running really soon. Maybe even this afternoon. I sometimes do a short speed run while the kids are at swim lessons. Today, I plan to do a short easy run, just to get my legs moving. Also planned this week: yoga, and another easy run tomorrow morning with my friend, and hopefully a longish run on the weekend. I've read that a good way to keep yourself marathon-ready (or training-for-a-marathon-ready) is to do a 16km run on the weekend in place of your long run. That's a pretty easy distance for me, and I'd love to keep the habit of the longish weekend run in place, even as I slow down and think about next season.

This seems to be the time of year for slowing down, taking stock, and getting excited about next year.

To that end, I've already signed up for another race!!! Couldn't help myself. I loved Hamilton, and I've heard about another Hamilton race from other runners--it's called Around the Bay (or something like that), and it's the longest-running race in Canada, perhaps in North America. The tagline for the race is "Older Than Boston." It's an odd distance, at 30km, but a good distance. It's run on March 25, so it will be a good start to next season.

And yesterday I contacted (by wimpy email) the coach of a local running club. I haven't heard back. If that doesn't work out, there are interval training runs led by local running stores--free, as far as I can tell. There's a free Tuesday evening trail-running club that will start up in the spring that sounds fun. Mostly, the problem with joining any club is going to be getting to the practices. Right now, running works especially well for me because I can run whenever there's an opportunity, unlike swimming or yoga or spin class. I can squeeze it in during soccer practices or swim lessons. With the kids (and my husband) so active and busy after school, it's difficult to add in any set and scheduled activities for me. In fact, writing that out makes me realize that I no longer have ANY set, scheduled activities after school or in the evenings. My set, scheduled activities are all early-morning, before anyone else in the house is awake. And then I squeeze in a yoga class here, and runs here and there when the schedule has a break in it.

This week, for example, I'm hoping to squeeze in yoga on Thursday over the supper hour. Next week that won't work because it's parent/teacher interviews and a family birthday party. So I really can't pin down regular times at that time of day.

But oh how I love to run when I get the chance. I think it would be really good to get one session a week with a coach or a team, though. I could aim for that. One session a week where someone else is pushing me, not just me pushing me.

Real marathoners train up to 100-150km a week. Some even more. If I did that, how fast could I go? (Wait, says reality, you really really don't have time for that ...)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Marathon, check

I did it. I did it faster than I ever imagined I could, even when I was fantasizing about how fast it might be. I ran 42.2km in 3 hours, 42 minutes, 13 seconds, which means I averaged 5:17/km. That put me 55th among all women, and 19th in my age category (neither of which sounds very exciting, but there were a lot of fast and well-trained people there, that's for sure.) And it got me dreaming about knocking a few more minutes off and completing in 3:30. A girl can dream. Or, more precisely, a middle-aged mother of four can dream.

So, what was it like? What do I want to remember? I want to remember the people who come out to cheer. I love those people. I was so happy all race, never so lost in my own effort that I wasn't waving and smiling back, and saying thank you. Those cheers all count. There was a great sign with about 1.5km to go. It said: The pain is temporary. And then a little further on: The pride is forever. It sounds so cheesy, but I know I picked up my pace.

I decided to run without much baggage. Didn't carry water, did bring along some energy chews, just in case, and chewed on a couple. I made good use of the water stations, though for about half the race didn't bother to slow down, just threw the water back. I started with the 3:50 pace bunny. I was nervous. I really really really wanted to finish in under four hours. I didn't care if it was 3:59:59, but I really wanted to say, yes, I did a marathon in under four hours. I don't know why. Vanity, I guess. But that was the goal that wouldn't leave me alone. So for the first 10km, I ran near the 3:50 pace bunny. Not that fast, really, about 5:40/km or so, but then I started getting a little restless. Around 10km, that pace bunny and his crowd kind of got lost behind me. I started following a man and a woman who were using some fancy pacing device, and I thought, okay, they're pacing themselves a bit faster than 3:50, but not too much faster, and I seem pretty comfortable at their pace ... but by the next water station, they were lost behind me too.

I was just naturally speeding up. By 15km, my pace was coming in very comfortably at 5:20/km, and I was passing people quite steadily. I felt great. My breathing was easy, my legs were light. And that was when I became brave. I wasn't brave up until 15km. I was still running with anxiety and doubt--could I do it? Would I hit a wall? Would I fail? Had I undertrained? And it took me until 15km to believe in myself. Once that happened the whole race changed. It was wonderful from there on in. (I'm not saying it was bad before, and physically I'd certainly felt fine, but I was definitely distracted and nervous up until 15km.)

At 21 km, it was a pleasure to notice that I'd run it faster than my half-marathon last spring, by three minutes (which also means I ran the second half of this race faster than the first, which seems to be my style.) And I enjoyed greeting various milestones along the way. I was also faster at 25km than I'd been in the Toad last month, though of course the Toad was on crazy trails, and this was a road race and relatively flat (flatter than the half-marathon, too.)

At least, it was flatter until we hit THE BEST part of the race, when our route went onto a highway and we got to run where the cars usually drive. Plus, it was all downhill. I let myself go. I'd already been hitting 5 minutes flat on a couple of kilometres, and I stopped paying attention to time for the entire downhill, just let myself go at the pace that came naturally. I know it was pretty fast, because it was downhill and because I was passing people.

But at 29km, we got off the highway, and went up an off-ramp, and boy did I feel that uphill. I suddenly felt tired. Is this my wall, I wondered. I'd just passed a bunch of people and I wasn't too keen so see them zooming past me, but I stopped and walked for the water break. I tossed back a cup of water, followed by a cup of electrolyte stuff, followed by another cup of water. Too much? I wondered. Not at all. I was instantly renewed. Bam, I was off. At 30km, I knew it was only 12km left. Totally doable. An ambulance roared by. That can't be good, a man said. He'd passed me on the highway, and now I was passing him on legs that almost felt fresh. It was weird. And I was worried about whoever was suffering ahead of us. When I got there, it looked like the person was conscious, and was obviously being well-cared-for. Thankfully.

With 10km left, I realized that I wouldn't be able to get under 3:40, which had become my new race goal as I'd zoomed down the highway. I would have to run as fast as my fastest 10km race to get there. Okay, I thought, let's do that, then. The water stations were spaced about 3km apart, so I just focussed on getting to each of them, stopping for a big drink, and firing back up again. At every marker, I told myself, run the fastest 8km of your life. Run the fastest 7km of your life. I felt that I had nothing to lose. I wasn't actually managing to run the fastest 8km of my life, but I kept a strong pace until the very end, averaging just over 5/km. For the last 2km, I told myself to run two 4:30s, which is probably my current limit for speed runs ... and usually those aren't run after 40km. But heck, why not go for it? I also realized that though I was running as fast as I could, I didn't really care at that point what my time was--I just knew it would be better than imagined, and that I'd done my best. I couldn't make my legs go quite as fast as 4:30, but was happy to catch a few more women (and men) as the finish line approached. At 500m I felt something POP on my foot and it did hurt. I hoped I hadn't injured myself in some way, but there was nothing going to stop me at that point. As soon as I saw the finish line, I sprinted as fast as I could. (Turned out the pop was just a blister.)

I felt slightly dizzy when I stopped running, but a volunteer walked with me a little way and I quickly recovered. My husband and kids had seen me round the corner to the finish line and had cheered crazy loud, but I hadn't heard them. I was so focussed on running as fast and as hard as I could. How awesome to find them afterward. How I wish my youngest hadn't been whining for pizza for the next 20 minutes. I got my food, got a Pepsi, and we didn't linger at the race site long.

My legs were pretty stiff when we got out of the car after the ride home, and I suspect will be sore for a few days, but lots of things were good, physically, about the race as a whole. I didn't cramp up. I felt adequately fed and watered. I didn't lack for energy. My muscles were tired by the end, but not weary. I never hit any kind of a wall (and I sure passed a lot of people who clearly had--how could you stop with only a couple of kilometres to go??? you'd have to be feeling pretty awful.) My breathing was always controlled, though I did let myself push to my edge for longer than I would have planned before the race began. My body didn't seem to mind operating at its edge.

Best of all, I felt so damn happy. The whole race. When we hit the highway, I got emotional. The view was amazing. I felt so good, so much stronger than I'd expected to feel.

And as I ran to the finish line, I was pretty close to sobbing (maybe it was all inside, because I was awfully focussed on going as fast as possible.) This was not a race I really felt like running, truth be told. I was genuinely concerned that I hadn't trained enough, not enough really long runs (maybe they're not so necessary--a woman on the bus to the start line told me about a friend who trained for years using the really-long-run method, but only qualified for Boston after dropping that method, and instead never training over 25km at a time. I like the sounds of that.)

Most of all, though, this past week I've been feeling the weight of my grandpa's loss. That sounds too dramatic. But I noticed it in all of my siblings when we got together on Wednesday after the funeral. We were all kind of drained. Emotionally as much as anything, but the emotional affects the physical, too. A grey feeling. Fully functional, just ... well, grey of spirit. I felt drained and tired going into the race today. It wasn't the best state in which to start a race at a distance untried. No wonder I started with such a lack of confidence. But the race gave something back to me. And that was what I was feeling as I ran toward the finish line. I was feeling joy. What a gift. To feel renewed confidence. To feel a sense of celebration. To be a part of something like a race, like a marathon. All of those people, doing their best. I wanted to stay at the finish line and cheer for everyone. I would have if the youngest hadn't been whining so loudly. Really, races are not much fun for young spectators (and I was so glad to have my family there.)

Even standing at a little distance, drinking a cup of soup, I realized that I was experiencing joy as those other runners came in--vicarious joy for what they'd accomplished, pride in their accomplishment, as if we'd done it together.

Well, I guess we did.

Thanks, Hamilton. I won't forget this. It does kind of cap an amazing year pretty perfectly. Apparently my time used to be fast enough to qualify me for Boston, but no longer. That's okay. I'm only 2 minutes, 13 seconds over the qualifying time, and it's a nice thing to aim for ... maybe ... well, why not. Why not do this again? I was thinking that it might seem like I'm training for races, but what I'm really doing is training for these amazing life experiences, these sweet sweet moments in time that can be gruelling, but are also rewarding. At the beginning of the season, I had to fight myself a lot more: I had to fight that weariness, that desire to quit, that feeling of wanting to give up and give in, to stop the suffering. And those thoughts scarcely flicker anymore. The further I run, the less discouraged I'm tempted to become. The more positive-minded, the more excited, the more I feel in touch with potential. And I used to get very competitive and almost angry when running races--angry isn't quite it, but close. I could hardly stand for any obstacles to get in my way, I was so irritable. Today, I felt none of that. I still felt competitive, but I also just felt more relaxed. Whatever happened, happened. It was just another thing that I needed to get past.

If only I could apply this in real life.

Well. That's about it. And it's more than enough, isn't it.

Thanks to all who have trained with me, and encouraged me, and believed in me, and kept me going. What a season. Wonder what next season's going to look like?

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Race prep: the day before

Tomorrow's the big day. Are my legs ready to run 42km? More importantly, is my head? I sure hope so. Here's what I've done this week to prepare ...

I made it to a 90-minute hot yoga class on Thursday evening. I almost didn't go. I just could not make up my mind. But of course was so appreciative during and after. It was not an easy class. The teacher had us hold poses for long stretches, and my thigh muscles felt sore (spin class, could that be you?), but on the whole, it was a positive experience. My goal, going forward, is to get to two classes a week, again. That's the ideal. Reality is that there aren't a lot of time slots in my week to allow that to happen. But I'd like to try. I need the stretching. I like the heat and the time spent inside my own head.

Yesterday, Friday, I ran an easy 5.2km during my daughter's soccer practice. I was going to run just 3km, but couldn't help myself. I ran in it about 27 minutes, which works out to pretty close to race pace (marathon race, not 10km race), and it felt very light and easy. It wasn't meant to be a workout, and it didn't feel that way. It was meant to be a reassuring run, to remind myself that I've done the work, and that I know how to run. And that it feels really good to run, too. It was an excellent run for all of those reasons.

Today, I am taking off entirely. There seems no need to do another reminder run. I'll just get up early tomorrow morning and do the real thing.

And then ...

What comes next? How can I maintain momentum going forward? I like Tricia's suggestion of focusing on a particular kind of race for a season. I think I'd choose trail running. That might motivate me to get in touch with the running club that trains at my favourite trails. They no doubt do winter training, too. Would I like, also, to aim for the half-Ironman that goes next September? That does seem like a goal I'd enjoy pursuing. But I'd also like to rest for a little bit. Rest without getting out of shape. Maybe take a month where I choose more yoga than speed training, if you know what I mean. A get-flexible, strength-and-core-building month. I know if I want to do the half-Ironman, I'm going to need more swimming, more regularly. And that might mean switching up my swimming training, too, and adding in interval work and skill work, like I did the past summer in the triathlon training class. In fact, doing a class like that again would be really helpful. If I can find the time.

A thought on getting up early. I only got up early twice this week, and I find that it's actually harder to get out of bed at 7am than at 5:15am. That seems counter-intuitive, but the difference is the morning routine: it's much harder to get up for and get through when I'm just climbing out of bed at 7am along with everyone else. When I'm greeting my family after a lovely work-out, I'm just a much happier person. The morning runs more smoothly. I get more done in that hour between getting everyone out of bed and getting them out the door. So it is worth it to wake early, even though it means going to bed earlier too. Sigh. That's the part I'm having a hard time with, or at least had a hard time with this past week. I wanted to stay up and hang out with my husband, or go out with my siblings to debrief after my grandpa's funeral on the weekend. And so I did. And so I did not feel like setting my alarm for an early rise.

How to balance? Dunno. But this coming week, I'm going to take it easy. And then I'll reassess and set some new goals, and check my schedule, and figure out where to fit more in ... if more is what I choose. Or even where to fit just a minimum in. I'd love to yoga twice a week and swim twice a week. That's four workouts right there. I'm already spinning once a week. That's five. And I love to run. I'd love to run at least three and probably four times a week. More if I'm doing endurance training. So that's at least eight or nine workouts a week, and I only count seven days in the week. And everyone needs a day off.

Ideas? What are you doing? How are you scheduling your workouts and your life?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Achy legs

I shouldn't feel this achy after an 8.5km run, should I? Maybe it was spin class yesterday. I'm realizing that it's tough to set a race goal this late in the season. It's tough to keep the necessary intensity going for so long. I ran that half way back in April, which seems like a long time ago now: seven months. And I was training hard starting last January. I'm feeling less motivated recently.

I'm not sure how to plan my training up until Sunday's race. I ran this morning. Should I run once or twice more before the race? Should I go swimming instead? Do yoga instead? Do swimming, yoga, and run once or twice more before the race? I could work any or all of these into the next few days, but my question is: should I?

I wish I were feeling more energetic. I wish I felt a sense of excitement rather than of faint dread (though that is a common feeling before my races.)

Total side note: I've been swimming and yoga-ing less this fall, and I'm seeing a change in my upper body. My arms just aren't as toned as they were. It was so exciting to see my body improve, as someone who had never exercised regularly in her life, and it kind of sucks to see it going in the opposite direction. But more running equals less time for cross-training, and running doesn't do much for the biceps and triceps. I'm trying to figure out how to structure my exercise plan once this marathon is over. What are my larger goals? Is it running faster and further? Is it being toned and fit-looking, regardless of how fast or far I can run? Is it strength? Is it endurance? Is it more races? I'm feeling unsure right now, and not pulled toward any one thing, though I will say that vanity is a motivating factor ... I really liked my strong, defined arms. I may have to get back into the pool more often. And hot yoga is really good for toning, too, even if it doesn't make me run faster.

What are your exercise goals, out of curiosity? Why exercise? I read this piece in the newspaper on Monday where the woman said that she exercises because she has a fear of getting fat. That was her only motivation. I'm not sure that would do it for me.