Day 212: On (the) Track

To sum up last week's efforts: one spin, one swim, four yoga, two runs (one long). I was shy one planned run--shouldn't have taken Monday off--and decided to try something different this week and start off with a run. (I did run 20km last week, which is pretty good, for me!).

This Monday morning, I crawled out of bed at 5:15am, not having watched any of the Oscars last night (lights out by 9pm). Despite having organized my stuff after supper, I was moving slowly. It felt like a Monday. I was a little late to pick up my friend, and we were in the pool five minutes past opening; not a lot off, just a little. All that changed when I got in the water. Today was different: I could swim right from the start. I found a rhythm; my mind was quiet. I used the alternate breathing for a number of lengths, and could feel my body getting more accustomed to it. There were even lengths when it felt preferable. But whenever I flailed or swallowed water (which makes me gag from the thought of how disgusting it is), I returned immediately to same-side breathing--my comfort zone. I'm thankful to have a comfort zone in the water, now.

The ease with which I entered into my (slow and steady) rhythm convinced me that I should swim twice a week. At least for the next little while. I have a long way to go as a swimmer. And it's exercise I could enjoy long-term, after my knees are shot. (Please don't leave me, knees!). With more practice, this alternate-side breathing might become my new slow and steady. My spine will thank me.

I spent 55 minutes in the pool. Did I mention that I'd felt tired, thirsty, and hungry when I woke up? I did drink water, but did not eat anything. I haven't been eating immediately before swimming, obeying that old rule about waiting an hour (or is that an old wives' tale?).

I climbed out of the pool, showered to remove the chlorine, and put on my running gear. The rec centre has an indoor track. My initial plan was to run for 30 minutes, to be home by 7:45, but after gauging my energy levels (which were good), I set a different goal for myself: I decided to run 5km at a pace of 5 minutes each. And that's what I did, precisely. I couldn't have gone 10km at the same pace without suffering, but 5km felt well within my means, and not as if I were pushing it. I'd forgotten that the track overlooks an ice rink, and the air was really cold, but that just encouraged me to keep pace. I try to maintain the feeling of a spring within my leg muscles. If I push myself past that coiled-spring feeling, I'm going too hard. That's how I pace myself.

I want to work a shorter faster run into my weekly routine, and this Monday morning timing may prove ideal. The track is comfortable and flat and indoors and saves me from splashing through puddles and ice. Perhaps I will try adding an additional kilometre at that pace, or simply speeding my pace up slightly to continue pushing myself harder. That was my second run wearing a watch. I don't love it, but I think it is useful for understanding my own pacing--taking my interior sense of pacing and measuring it objectively.

My goal is to be able to run 10km at a 5 minute/per pace. I'm not sure what would be a reasonable goal for a half-marathon pace. Maybe 5 and a 1/2 minutes per kilometre? That's not within my means right now. I'm not even positive I could run a half-marathon. I'm looking forward (in a weird way) to Saturday's long slow distance run when I test out 14km. A 6-minute pace is what I'll aim for on Saturday.

With this extra run, and a run with my friend on Wed., and the long run on Saturday, I feel confident that I'm getting enough regular mileage for the triathlon, and probably for the half-marathon, too; especially because the swims and the spin class count too, toward improving cardio-vascular fitness. I did not find it difficult to run post-swim. The two activities felt different, and I had enough energy. I did feel a bit self-conscious about my goggle-raccoon-eyes, but honestly who's looking? I didn't feel self-conscious about the rest of me. I felt--I'm feeling--more like an athlete. I know I can be over-enthusiastic about my own abilities, but I think that's how my psychology works--I'm like a dog chasing a ball that's thrown just a little beyond reach. I throw the ball just out of reach and I chase it. It's a fine line between over-estimating my own abilities and believing in my own potential. I suspect this is how I've been successful in other areas in my life, though, too; and I don't think it's the worst way to be, so long as I'm not being insufferable. (Am I being insufferable? You can tell me, really you can).

:::

Goals for this week: three runs (one long), one spin, two swim, four/five yogas.

Day 210: Run

In addition to the triathlon, I'd like to complete a half-marathon, which seems reasonably within my sights as I ramp up my exercise schedule. From the reading I've done, and advice from friends, it sounds like the long weekly run is a big part of training for distance. So I'm working gradually toward the goal of a 20km run, starting last Saturday with 10km, and this Saturday with 12km. I ran 12km in an hour and 15 minutes, which works out to about exactly a 6 minute kilometre. Slow, but not too slow. I am my own worst enemy, and had to keep reminding myself not to worry about being SLOW! I wanted to pace it faster, though I'm not sure I could at this point. I felt pretty happy to be done (and I was getting thirsty, as I have not yet bought a pack to carry mini-water bottles), but I also felt that I could have gone around my 2km loop again without suffering too badly. The other happy discovery was that I recovered quickly, and didn't feel tired afterward. Which was fortunate, because this day is stacked with errands and plans and opposing schedules, so I had time only for a quick shower, a bite to eat, and then I was out the door carrying my cup of coffee to buy groceries and pick up my eldest daughter and her friends from their theatre class, which got me home in time to unload the truck, grab an extremely fast bite to eat, and head out to a 60-minute yoga class, stopping to get a gift for a kid's birthday party en route ... phew. And it wasn't even 12:30 at that point.

Yoga felt great. I would like to do the shorter yoga class following the long run. It feels good to stretch. And I felt strong! Next week: 14km.

Day 209: Fish/Food

A couple of notes on a couple of different topics.

First, swimming, because that's what I did this morning. My chiropractor recommended breathing on alternate sides. His method, put into practice, made me feel like I was drowning (breathing every two strokes out of the same side, and alternating sides each length). To be fair, he did say it would take "two or three months" to get comfortable doing this. I don't want to spend two or three months struggling in the water, when I've only just found some ease in that element. Friends with swimming experience agreed that it would be a hard method to learn, and recommended alternating sides every three strokes. Again, this would take practice, but perhaps not two to three months.

So, I tried this morning. I tried at the very beginning (bad idea), and quickly gave it up. My first half hour in the water is a write-off. I am still trying to find a rhythm and get used to the breathing. I also felt fatigued this morning, and it took me that long to find my ease. But sometime during the second half hour, I felt like turning to the non-dominant side, just to level out my body in the water. So I did several laps breathing every three strokes. It wasn't terrible. I didn't feel like I was drowning. But I felt the limitations of my left shoulder's rotation, which is always a bit stiff, never as open as the right side. Maybe my chiropractor can help with that. Meanwhile, the discovery is that I go faster breathing on alternate sides--more strokes to build more momentum? And part of me liked the feeling of my body being more level in the water. But the timing of my kick was distinctly off (and my kick is usually something I don't have to think about). So it took a lot of mental energy. After several laps, I gave up and returned to the same old same old, though I did try to throw in a length here and there with the alternate breathing strokes. My last complaint about breathing every three strokes is that I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. I wanted to breathe more often. I never got into a rhythm. But then, I didn't really do it long enough to get a chance to.

Because it takes a long time for me to get into a rhythm. Every swim, I think, well, this time it just isn't going to happen. And every swim, as the second half hour ticks down, I feel it coming, until I reach a point that is a bit like being hypnotized, and I become part-fish. That's what it feels like. It must have something to do with exercise-induced exhaustion--that my mind shuts off its tiresome nit-picking technically-focused narration and just hums quietly in the background, watching with amazement as my body swims like it knows what it's doing. It's totally worth every stroke to get to that point in my swim. Could I get there breathing on alternate sides? Could I last that long? I will have to try.

I will be swimming again on Monday morning, which may indeed by my new swim day. I'm curious to see what the pool's culture will be like on that morning. I've gotten to recognize some of the heads and goggles who come regularly on Fridays. (Goggle-eyes, by the way, are not attractive: this morning, Kevin thought I'd returned home exhausted, dark circles under my eyes; but it was just the goggle-effect). My plan for Monday is to swim for an hour, shower, change into running shoes, and run for half an hour on the indoor track. I am not an indoor-track-runner, but it would give me a chance to put two parts of the triathlon puzzle together, back-to-back; it would add a run into my week; and I could be home by 7:45.

But I will need to eat something in between the swim and the run.

Food. Hunger. That is my second topic for today. I've been noticing, with some alarm, that I am hungry--famished, even--at unexpected points during the day, and sometimes during work-outs. Some days I never feel full, or feel like my body is craving a very specific nutrient that I've somehow failed to feed it, no matter what I try. This is a strange sensation, and, frankly, a bit unnerving. As a teenager, I had an eating disorder (bulimia--talk about unattractive), which was resolved with counselling during my first year of university: I chose to feed myself in a different way. I decided to listen to and trust my body. If that meant gaining weight, I chose to accept it. Turned out, it meant finding a new and happy stability, and losing the obsessive relationship with food. Therefore, when I'm hungry, I eat. I never count calories. I haven't owned a scale since then (age eighteen), and never weigh myself. Even during the necessary weight gains and losses during my childbearing years, I was reasonably accepting and remained true to the principle of listening to my body. I like to eat, and I eat often and well and without guilt or concern, trusting my body to tell me what it needs. But what is it telling me right now? I am having some difficulty interpreting what it's saying. I am not concerned about weight loss/gain, but about fueling my body properly, and staving off these horrible hunger pangs.

Should I be eating more often during the day? Am I craving more carbs? More protein? Can a mostly vegetarian diet (protein from lentils and beans and some milk products) fuel this level of physical activity? Because man, I'll tell you, my husband and I have a date tomorrow night, and I have been fantasizing for a week about the steak I plan on ordering. (When I cook with a steak, it goes into a soup or stew and feeds our family of six).

Another question: How do I feed and hydrate myself during a work-out that last longer than an hour?

If you have thoughts or advice, I'm listening.

Day 208

I took Monday off entirely. It was Family Day here in Ontario, and I spent it at home with my family, doing a bunch of baking and cooking and mostly just relaxing. There was time to get out to yoga, or go for a run, but I chose not to. Tuesday was spin class, my fourth one, and next week is the last in the session, but I'll have to go alone, as my spinning partner isn't able to come. Yikes. I can go alone, right? Sure I can. I've already signed up for the session after that. I also have to swim alone this week, as my swimming partner is unable to come. But we're going to go on Monday to make up for it. I might switch my swims to Mondays, in order to run on Friday mornings; or I might simply add a Monday morning swim in addition to the Friday swim. I've been soliciting advice from friends about breathing techniques in the water, and it sounds like I should make an effort to breathe out of alternate sides, every three strokes. So I will have to try while I'm still learning and setting out patterns.

I ran yesterday morning, adding an extra lap alone; about 7.5km. Now there's a break till this afternoon's 90-minute yoga. Tomorrow will be swimming, but that's it. I plan to do a long run on Saturday, and yoga on Sunday, possibly with an additional shorter run.

I think it's time to sign up for some races ... the one I want to do conflicts with my husband's work schedule. I would like to sign up for something earlier rather than later in the season, lest I lose momentum.

204: Extra Run

Ran for 10+km last night, and with a full day off in between, I was bubbling over with energy. It felt like I could have run further, so I ended with a full-on sprint just to see how much was left. Quite a lot, I think. I'm figuring something out. It's not that exertion, in the form of any exercise, gets easier. It's that my body has more layers of reserves to draw upon. I can dig down into this reservoir of energy and endurance and find more, over and over again. With practice, I've come to read and know my body's limits. I trust that my body has the capacity to recover after brief intense bursts of extreme exertion. I know what lungs and heart sound like when they're working hard. It isn't scary. But it could be, if I weren't comfortable and familiar with what this feels like, if I didn't understand that it was normal, not connected to being out of control.

So, not easier, but quicker recovery times, for sure, and mentally easier to push myself harder. Less resistance to temporary hardship.

I got to a 90-minute hot yoga class this morning (oh burning thighs; and thankful hips), and may run this evening, but if I do it will be short and quick, 6km. I need to organize my week ahead and schedule out my exercise plan.

This week (not counting the potential run tonight) has been slightly better than planned, with that extra run last night: two yoga, one spin, one swim, two three runs. [revised hours later: yup, I turned that potential run into an actual one! A quick, short 6km]

Next week (hoped-for): four yoga, one spin, one swim, three runs.

Day 201: Smooth

Enjoyed the pool this morning. I followed my usual pattern: strangely panicky at first, staring down at the deeps, taking in water, gasping. It's weird. The first 100m are far and away the very worst. And the second half hour, when I'm probably heading into my second kilometre, is the best. I didn't count laps till the toward the end when I swam the last 1,000m in approximately 25 minutes, getting smoother and smoother as I went (at least, that's how it felt). I stopped thinking. That seems to be the key. I wasn't thinking about anything at all; and most particularly, I wasn't thinking about swimming--how to swim, how to move, how to breathe, how not to choke, how to bring my arms around, how to kick, how to turn, how fast to go. None of that. I was just going, ploughing through the water like I could have kept going forever. Though in truth I was happy to stop at the end of that kilometre, happy for the clock to tell me I'd been at this for an hour. I hope on race day that I can find that feeling more quickly. I am also glad that the swim is first. I'll bet they do that on purpose. If you're fatigued and your technique is fading fast, you're not going to die during the running portion of the race. But you don't want to be deeply fatigued and struggling in the water.

Just remembered a memory that surfaced early in my swim today, which might account for some of that panicky feeling. I remembered nearly drowning in my cousins' backyard above-ground pool. I was about seven, and not a strong swimmer. The pool was chockful of kids, most older than me. I was wearing a blow-up device around my waist, that also required me to stick my legs through a harness. Somehow, the device flipped me over and pinned me upside down, and I could not right myself. I remember the feeling of being trapped underwater and beginning to open my mouth to breathe, even though I knew I shouldn't. Because the pool was so full, no one noticed, everyone went on playing around me. Suddenly, I was dragged out, choking. My mother, who had been in the house at quite a distance, had looked out the window and seen what was happening. I think it was a psychic mother-moment. She tore out of the house and pulled me out, and my uncle did some chest compressions (as I recall) to get the water out of my lungs.

It never stopped me from playing in water. I loved playing the ocean. But all the strokes I learned were strokes that didn't require me to submerse my head under the water. Maybe that feeling of dreadful panic is triggered by a subconscious memory of that near-drowning. While in the pool this morning, I remembered, and thought about accepting the feeling and moving through it. Just understanding why I might be feeling what I was feeling was helpful.

:::

And that's it for my hard work this week. Sigh. Spin on Tuesday, run yesterday, swim this morning ... now a blank slate till Sunday morning. Maybe I'll get a run in Saturday afternoon if my husband gets home early. Yes. I'll aim for that. It's too depressing to imagine two full days without getting out and doing something.

Day 200: !

Have to write something on Day 200. (Assuming I've counted correctly, that is; don't doublecheck my addition, please). I went for a delicious run this morning, and the sky was light by the time we were headed home. The sky was light! Winter is lifting, just a little bit. But I haven't felt oppressed by it this year. I do believe it's all the exercise--and getting outside. A good change.

Yoga class yesterday evening was lovely, too. I felt strong and comfortable, and nicely wrung out by the end. And ideas were flowing. I love when I'm emptied out and the ideas have room to flow. I got an almost complete picture for the novel I'm considering writing, using a character who I'm calling "The Runner."

But I had some other thoughts about exercise too. The dark side. I was thinking that exercise breaks a person down, on the inside. And sometimes it breaks you down and you connect with the divine that is not otherwise accessible, blocked out by ego or by conscious thought or by resistance. And sometimes it breaks you down and you are vulnerable to negative influences: you might be willing to do things you wouldn't consider doing otherwise. That seems to me the basic principle of basic army training: breaking down the person using physical means, in order to build them up into a soldier.

 :::

No more time, it's time for nursery school pick-up. But I'm pleased with my week so far, and do indeed feel stronger and healthier; and appreciative for the exercise I've been able to do this week. I can lift my arms again, too, for which I am truly, truly thankful.