Day 178: Still Hard

I seem to think this should get easier, this exercising thing. Why do I keep thinking that? Tonight's yoga class was not easy. I felt challenged. Does it never get easier?

Um, I'm guessing not. Running is easier than it once was, but I run easy. I don't push too hard. I like running long and slow. All I'd have to do is kick it into a higher gear, and I'd be back to suffering again. What does it mean to be fit? Here comes that question again.

I'm slender, but I was slender before I started exercising. I'm more muscular; that's nice. Leaner, perhaps. I can dance longer. But I still feel, fundamentally, weak. I feel mortal. I feel my age in my creaking back and my bones, and I won't be able to carry my five-year-old and two-year-old up the stairs at the same time for a whole lot longer, no matter how many miles I run.

I heard this interview on the radio today that only marginally applies to me: a science writer was talking about the science of weight loss and how the only way to lose weight, really, is to cut out carbs. He said exercise has never been proven to take weight off. It only increases the appetite. I'm leery of this theory, but weight loss isn't my own personal issue, or why I'm choosing to exercise more. Though the theory might be accurate, it is short-sighted. It's like saying that exercising won't help people quit smoking. Not smoking cigarettes is obviously the key to quitting smoking, but what actually motivates someone to get to that point? Wouldn't daily exercise be a key motivator--in either example.

My lifestyle has changed. How could it not benefit a person to be out running at 8pm rather than sitting on the couch with a bag of chips? The better I feel, the more motivated I am to eat well. My cravings for french fries are just about nil. (I'm a big believer in the benefits of soft washed-rind cheeses, however!). My body feels better, and it wants good fuel to feed itself. That's where the scientific theory breaks down. If cutting carbs is the answer, then how to motivate a human being, operating on a myriad of whims, desires, impulses, and social pressures, to cut carbs (or stop smoking cigarettes; or insert unhealthy action here)? How about shifting lifestyle, becoming a person who no longer craves those things, because they've been replaced by the natural high that is adrenalin.

Just a thought. A late-night, worried-about-my-kid-who-is-at-emerg-with-her-dad-waiting-to-get-stitches thought. Plan to run early. Hope I can sleep soundly. But I can't go to bed till she's home.