I'm sitting here with a requisition form for an xray, and a referral to a sports medicine doctor. Sigh. I went to see my family doctor yesterday, and while it was heady to be assessed as an endurance runner, this hasn't been a happy week for the runner in me. The xray is to rule out a stress fracture in my hip, and the sports medicine doctor is to follow up, figure out where the pain is coming from, and get it treated and fixed. So I can run again.
Because I can't run. Well, it is strongly recommended that I not run for right now. I can barely stand to type those words. Wow. I could feel my stress level rising as I typed that sentence out. Not run? For how long? I don't know. It depends, of course. It depends on what's causing the pain and on how quickly I heal. The idea is that I should be running pain-free. Pain-free as in free from pain that tells me I should be stopping as opposed to pain that's ... well, different, I guess. I've gotten so used to running with some degree of pain or discomfort that I really am not sure I can tell the difference.
Except that I can. I did my long run on Saturday, ran 15.5km, and felt pain the entire time. By the end, the pain reminded me of how it feels to run a long distance; it does hurt to run a long way, although I wouldn't consider 15km a long way. What didn't seem right was that the pain was constant throughout. I hurt from the first step to the last and never loosened up in between.
Sitting seems to exacerbate the pain. Spinning didn't hurt at all. Swimming did, at least past a certain distance. Some yoga poses hurt, but I was able to go this morning and get through an hour without pain. But running is my rock. Running is my happy place. Running can be done anytime, anywhere. I could be running tonight during my daughter's soccer practice. I should be running tonight!
Definitely, I'm feeling frustrated. I'm relieved that this is happening now and not a year ago, when it might have derailed my burgeoning attempts to become someone who could complete triathlons and long-distance runs. Thankfully, I know I can. But I'm still frustrated. Wasn't this going to be a year devoted to running? You know, it could still be. I shouldn't get so down. A week, two weeks, even three or four weeks isn't going to get me too far off the training track. I could add an extra spin class, perhaps. I could get up early every morning and do yoga and find that inner strength again. Maybe that's exactly what my body/mind is lacking. This fitness journey isn't all about racing or times or getting faster or going further.
Why do I want to be fit? What am I afraid of as I face this time without running?
It was really hard to get up this morning; if my husband hadn't encouraged me to go, saying, "I know you'll feel better about yourself if you do," I would have turned off my alarm and gone back to sleep. I've noticed in myself all week a weakness of will, a mild depression, perhaps, when it comes to exercise. It's hard to get up early. But it shouldn't be any harder than it's been for the last year, should it? I'm a goal-oriented person. Maybe I need to reset my goals. Configure them to fit with my present situation. Accept that running can't be part of the equation--perhaps for a very short amount of time, who knows? Why not think positively? It's not forever. But I still need to accept that today I won't be running. Tomorrow I won't be running.
There are other outlets available. I did feel better--about myself--after going to yoga. I felt momentarily accepting, momentarily okay. I felt grateful that my body is still strong. I am still able to exercise in a variety of ways. I'm grateful for that.
9 comments:
That really sucks Carrie!
Take it from me - a few weeks off now might be all you need to give you the rest of the year to run. I had to take almost a full year off of running and it was not fun at all. Take the time now so you can run later!
That's exactly what I'm telling myself, Tricia! Take the time off now, and hopefully it will be a short time. How did you get through your year away from running?
It was hard. Really hard. But that is when I started spinning, doing Kasia's yoga, doing hot yoga and more walking. It sounds like you are already doing a lot of other exercise, so that is great!
I'm looking up other spin classes in town. Energi doesn't have any others at times that work for me. I'm missing that burst of a cardio workout that running gives me.
I'm sorry to hear of your injury. Hopefully the sports-medicine doctor will offer some helpful advice which includes options and work-arounds for training. Have you tried deep-water running at all? I'm also training for triathlons and have had an issue with my left knee recently - I'm still able to do short 10k runs on the road, but once per week I'm combining a swim workout with deep-water running (belt recommended but optional). I find it's been working well as an injury work-around, and they say the resistance is even good for building speed.
Thanks for the suggestion, Andrew. I will ask about that. First I have to get the problem diagnosed. He's not sure yet. We'll see when he looks at the xrays on Monday. Hope to know more then!
Carrie... if you are looking for closer spin classes, I tried out the gym under the insurance building at Park & Union (lifeline fitness; gym entrance off the street that Vincenzo's is on) - so just a few blocks from you! The gym is there for the employees but my friend said that the public can also sign up (you get sponsored by someone who is a member or sunlife employee). The rates seem relatively (?) cheap. I have an old flyer that lists 145/3 months, 378/annual. If you are interested let me know and I can find out more info. Good luck with your healing!! :-( I am in short-term injury mode with a bad back and missing the joy this week. I can't imagine it long term!
Yes, I'm interested! Let me know. That would be very close. It would be good to have another outlet right now.
Hi Carrie,
Here's their website: www.lifelinefitness.ca
It says by referral by Sunlife employee, but my friend (Catherine Dat, I think you probably know her) assures me that it is open to any public person that wants to join. And, a no obligation offer, she would also be happy to take you there as a guest if you wanted to try out the spin class/gym etc. and avoid being marketed to on your first time there. Myself I like that it offers a 3 month membership option - perfect for winters! Best of luck!
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