Day 316: Push

The triathlon is in eight days. I am pushing hard toward that goal.

Lake swimming is not like lane swimming. On Wednesday, we had a beautiful day to go to the lake for a picnic and a swim, with friends. I donned the suit and headed out for a clump of weeds that vaguely resembled an island, and discovered that I was filled with terror. As the water got deeper, I lost my rhythm and my breath. Out in the lake, there are fewer points of direction; no lines drawn on the bottom of the pool. I felt disoriented, and weary, and although I made it there and back (perhaps 500m), I was filled with anxiety. I told my husband that I know, intellectually, that I am very unlikely to drown in this situation, but somewhere deeper, on a level that is instinctive, I'm panicking out there.

But I didn't give up after one attempt. I kept the suit on, and decided to swim just past the buoys and beside them, up and down the beach, as a way of keeping myself oriented. I cleaned my goggles, which were foggy and through which I could hardly see on the first outing. And I went, back and forth, twice. Probably not more than 200m there and back.

I felt better. My stroke was smoother, my breathing, too. I reminded myself that I'm always slow to feel comfortable in the water. It takes awhile to get to that sweet spot, even in the pool. I will need to do some swimming on the day of the race, get into the lake, and just swim, before the race starts.

Then I ate a bit of supper, and headed out for a third time. This time I followed the shoreline, but I felt so much stronger, so much better, that I decided to turn and head out around the island, and this time, I made it all the way around before heading back to shore. It was a good swim. I was one with the wetsuit (I really dislike lakes, and this one is heavy with sediment and the occasional rogue weed, plus fish). I thought: I can do this. Yes, I can.

When I swam this morning in the pool, I thought about the lake swim. I won't have those brief rest moments at the ends of the lanes (no matter how hard I try to turn around smoothly, I do end up lifting my head out of the water, grabbing the wall and pushing off again, which is a break from the rhythm and a slight rest break, too, I think). I don't need to go fast. I just need to stay steady and calm. I swam more slowly today, and my time over 1500 was 34 minutes--which is not significantly slower than I was swimming when I was trying harder. My goal is to complete the swim. I would rather not come out of the water at the back of the pack, but if that's what happens, so be it. This is my first time swimming in a race. A year ago, I couldn't three strokes in a row. So if I come out at the back of the pack, so be it. Once I'm sitting on that bicycle, it will be with the knowledge that I've already accomplished a big goal. The rest is gravy.

I cycled yesterday morning, and ran afterwards. My calf continues to bother me, but my husband is helping with massage, and ice and heat, and I was able to run 5km after my swim today--so fun. I did some interval training, like I'd seen a bunch of runners doing at my daughter's soccer game last night. I tried a couple of different things. For the first three kilometers, I did each lap a bit faster, til I was going very hard on the last lap. For the fourth kilometer, I did alternating laps of sprints and then recovery, but I found that very demanding, so I went back to the original wind-up, gradual-build of the earlier kilometres for my last one. I realize not everyone would think of this as "fun." Is it weird that I do? It's not much fun while I'm running, not when I'm pushing to my limits, and yet, it is. I ran the 5km in 24 minutes, which was not bad, considering the slower recovery laps.

How much am I going to train next week? I'm not sure. I know I should taper it off a bit before race day.