Day 322: Time for a little rest

As I dragged myself out of bed this morning, I thought, wow, I'm going to need to sign up for something else, because this triathlon on Sunday is the only thing getting me out of bed. At this point in the week, I'm very tired.(If only I could have run the race on Tuesday, when I was positively bursting with energy and optimism and a weird continuous strength that seemed to regenerate itself throughout the day, from dawn til dusk).

But today was my fourth early morning in a row, and in my other non-training life,my eldest is sick and I'm writing toward a necessary deadline. And I'm just tired. So I went to the pool and it was lovely and early and the water felt good. I said to myself: pretend you're still asleep (this has a weirdly peaceful effect on me). And it was hard, and slow, and took me 35 minutes--again--to swim the race length. Then I swam another 500m for good measure. The kids from the swim club were there, and wow they are smooth and fast. I was envious of the girl taking a breath every six strokes and absolutely cutting through the water. She was approximately twice as fast as me.

I had a small observation about the swimming portion of the race. I don't trust myself in the water the same way as I do on the bike and while running. In the water, I'm afraid. Of a lot of things. I'm afraid of wearing myself out and losing rhythm and breath and going really slowly. I'm afraid of not being fit enough to go as fast as I want. (This is the opposite of how I've come to experience the bike and the run: I'm not afraid of absolutely crazy breathing, or of pushing past what feels even remotely comfortable, or of not being able to do it--I'm just not afraid. I know that I can go exactly as hard as I can make myself go, and that nothing bad is going to happen to me).

But in the water, I lose that confidence. Struggling for breath in the water feels dire. Pushing past what feels comfortable seems dangerous and scary. So I don't push as hard in the water. I don't even know what my limits are, really, in the water, because when I push harder, I get freaked out as my breath gets deeper and harder, and so I slow it down so as not to dissolve into panic. (And I've found with other training that it's the pushing harder that brings greater fitness, speed, and depth of endurance, so I really feel like I'm missing out on that potential in my swim training.)

Long-term, I believe that familiarity with the sport, perhaps some coaching to refine technique, and basically just practice, practice, practice will help with this.

Short-term--in terms of this race--I'm going to have to do the best that I can with the experience I've given myself, in a fairly short amount of time. The experience I have so far tells me that a) I can swim the distance and b) I do better when I relax and go slow. I've decided that this race, this very first experience, is not the place for me to take risks in the water. I don't plan to push toward limits, or anything like that, but accept my limits, and swim within them. I want to get through this swim, and then I'll hop on the bike and push those limits like crazy, and then throw on my shoes and push through the pain and the crazy breathing, and finish it up.

But the swim portion is its own beast, for me. Not like any race I've ever done before, because it's using a skill that is so new to me.

:::

Questions, questions. What will keep me motivated, going forward? Do I need to work continually toward new goals (ie. races)? Or maybe just having friends to meet in the morning will be enough. I love having friends to meet in the morning! Twice this week, I've managed to get up without meeting a friend, and both times it was twice as hard as usual.

I'm looking forward to resting for the next two days. "Sleeping in." Maybe having a tv night. I look forward to having a drink with my husband on Sunday night.

And I look forward to testing my body on Sunday, putting into action all of these months of hard work. Here's hoping my son is well by then, and that nobody else gets sick.

If you'd like to come and watch (yikes!), and need details, let me know. Triathlons are pretty exciting and inspiring to watch, in and of themselves, even if you don't know the participants. And the venue is beautiful.