Day 258: The Week After

It's been great.

I went to a lovely yang/ying yoga class on Sunday. Lots of long stretches which felt wonderful. My quads were definitely a bit sore, but only slightly more than usual. I have gotten used to doing a long run on Saturdays, but that was the furthest I've ever run, and at a faster pace than usual. I went swimming as usual on Monday, but chose not to run afterward. Instead, I stayed in the pool an extra ten minutes, and swam for about seventy minutes. It had been a week since my last swim, and I felt like I needed to get reacquainted. My goggles refused to cooperate--something that hasn't happened in many weeks--and they kept leaking and were foggy by the end. And my body felt more fatigued than usual. To be expected. But water is soothing, even chlorinated pool water, and my legs enjoyed the sensation of being submerged in that gentle element. One change that's happened gradually, but is significant: I no longer fear drowning or think of drowning while in the water. (I realize drowning can happen to even the most experienced swimmer, if the conditions strike; that's not what I'm talking about). I used to spend the first half hour of every swimming session fighting past words like "watery grave" or just fighting past a sensation of fear, almost panic, that came when my head went under the water. Pleasant, huh. That sensation doesn't rise in me anymore. I experience the water, and being underwater, as a soothing, calming, sometimes exciting place to be. Water fills my ears and closes me off from the outside world. It's a good place to go deep inside.

I swam slowly, but steadily. I decided to think of the swim as an endurance building swim, not a speed-building swim--much like a long slow run. And then I showered and came directly home, skipping my speed session at the track. I kind of missed it, but on the other hand, I didn't want to push it, and my legs were definitely still sore.

Spin class was weirdly easy yesterday. I don't know whether there's some post-race effect, a couple of days on, like a boost of energy and endurance, but I was full of energy yesterday. I napped as soon as I got home, then went on with a regular kid-day at home, but discovered I had plenty of energy to hit a yoga class in the late afternoon. The class was very very hot and people were complaining in the changeroom afterward, but the heat hadn't hit me at all. I'd felt strong and balanced the whole class. And my legs weren't achy anymore.

This morning's run was similar. Feeling strong. Feeling like I'd just hit my stride by about 7k, and could run and run and run, faster and faster. I love running. Man.

Here's what I've discovered about running: it's kind of like dessert, for me. All of the other training I've been doing, toward the triathlon, has made it possible to enjoy a luxurious and long dessert. I used to get intense knee pain if I ran more than a few kilometres a couple of times a week. The knee pain is gone, and I'm running further and more often than ever before. But in between, I'm building up all the other muscles that support the running muscles, and I'm building endurance. So, I think my pathway to being a runner is through a variety of exercise options: yoga, swimming, biking. I do these other things, and then every so often I get to run and run and run.

I outed myself, just a wee bit yesterday, as an aspiring triathlete. I asked the spin instructor if he could help me find a used triathlon bike. Here's hoping. I'd love to ride a bike that isn't a 16-year-old hand-me-down mountain bike (my current wheels).

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The race brought up some unexpected and deep emotions. It was inspiring. It was healing. It gave me a new perspective on myself. It brought up thoughts like: if I can imagine doing it, I can set myself on a path to be able to do it. This is going to sound like typical motivational gobbledeygook, but it made me ask: what are the barriers I've erected in my own mind that are preventing me from doing the things that I want to do--that are preventing me from even imagining and glimpsing the things that I want to do? It's too easy to say, oh, that would be hard, that would be impossible, I don't have the time.Yes, it's been hard to train myself into a different and more athletically capable body. But it hasn't been that hard. It certainly hasn't been impossible. The time is now.

My larger thoughts are still amorphous and vague. But my most concrete thought is this: I already have the skills to do great/good/helpful things. I don't need to retrain and gain a new skill set. I'm a writer. I'm a good writer. Being a writer is similar in a lot of ways to being a runner. It's an individual journey. But even the individual, within the larger collective of a race, or a running group, or a yoga class, has the opportunity to affect the larger community--either negatively, neutrally, or positively. Think of the good energy you can receive when you practice with a committed group of yogis. It is so much bigger and more inspiring than practicing on your own--but your own practice is important too, and you need to build it and strengthen it in order to give back to the others around you.

So. I'm thinking of my writing in those terms. I'm thinking: where can my writing be of use? Where can I find homes for it? How do I want to change the world? Small changes, big changes, radical changes, subtle changes? And how can I use what I've already got to push for those changes?

Hm, think I'll cross-post these musings my main blog.

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Meantime, here's what happened last week: one swim, one spin, two yoga classes, three runs (including the half).
This week's plan: two swims, one spin, four yoga classes, two runs (including a long run this weekend. Woot!).